Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

Frank, buddy...did you clean up your dogs 'love' offering already? What a sweet doggy! Good dog!

I like what you said 'her whims'. Bzzzzzt! She doesn't have that privilege to ask you for that.

Nope, she gave up that right almost 3 years ago. I just haven't put my spine and manhood to good use in helping her to realize that she gave up a good man who made a big mistake, but a good man nonetheless. Her loss. I am confident that she'll figure it out. For her sake, I hope it's not too late...for her. Living with that kind of regret for the rest of her life for clinging so tightly to being so selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed is going to be long and hard. You told me once, Frank, that there's one person that XW cannot lie to and that is herself when she is alone in bed at night with the covers pulled up. I'm glad I don't have that kind of regrettable loneliness to look forward to in my future.

'nuff said. So many of use did the exact same thing you did.

Yep, yep, misery sure does love company. I really why I 'enjoyed' wallowing in my sitch's 'stuff' for so long. Clearly I'm a bit of a slow learner and a hard head. Changes are in progress, thankfully.

Yeah, it's called "Db'ing" for yourself. For your survival. For your better good. Ya Think?

I do think. Imagine that. DBing for ME! What a flipping concept.

This is irrelevant. Instead, you might choose to 'understand' that YOU are likely to grow and learn and be a damn great father, and PARTNER in a relationship that doesn't require you to give up who YOU are.

Get it?

I do get it. I am now letting go and focusing on the one person I know will be with me 'til my dying days...me. On top of that, I have found myself again in the last three years and I like me. I don't like the person that I morphed into during my M. I am still working hard on my personal growth and self-improvement, striving to make myself at least a little bit better than I was the day before.

How do you feel?

You're a good man Tom. Do you believe it?

I feel good. I feel strong. I feel that I am a prize for whichever woman is lucky enough to be in my life as my love interest and/or wife. How I feel today is a far cry from where I have been emotionally over the past three years. I love how I feel today.

Thank you. I do know that I am a good man. I am a much better man today than I was 3 years ago, and that is due to my personal growth and self-improvement work. I will continue putting all that I learn into practice so that I will truly 'own' what I learn and make it a part of who I am. Do I believe it? Absolutely! I'll tell you this...the emotional aftermath BS of my Tahoe trip has shaken some sense into me. God works in mysterious ways. He clearly wanted me to take a different look at my behavior and wanted me to have vastly different emotions than I have been allowing myself to feel. I feel as though I have freed myself from my own guilt bondage. I know that I deserve better than XW ever gave to me.

I can't say that I'm guilt free (I should be), but my guilt meter is the lowest it's been for me in 3 years. I know that no matter what happens in terms of reconciliation with my XW, I will be fine. I know that I did absolutely everything that I could possibly do to atone for my mistakes in my efforts to reconcile with XW.

I rest now satisfied that I have apologized in honesty to my XW and asked for forgiveness. I am truly sorry for what I did wrong. I have repented to my Lord and Savior and laid my sins at the food of the cross and I all my stains are washed away by His blood. I know Christ has blessed me with His grace and mercy, and that is the only forgiveness that I need. I am moving forward in my life. I know that Christ walks with me today, and in my darkest moments He carried me forward, leaving only His footprints in the sand. He always loves me and when I am lost, He always seeks me so that we will be re-united again, welcoming me like the returning Prodigal Son.