The problem with all of this is that you can't have a relationship with a shell of a man.
No one can.
The OW is just going through the motions.
We think they have a relationship, it is soooooo superficial.
It is nothing we would accept.
They want us to think it is great.
For once in our lives, we have to put ourselves first.
Do it.
Stop feeding in to their sickness.
It is difficult.
We are use to caring for people
We are use to fixing things.
We are use to meeting everyones needs.
We can't help them right now.
We don't have any answers about why they did this or that.
This is not our problem.
Were we perfect, no..........
But,
we did not cause this.
Continue to love
continue to forgive
but most important love yourselves and your children.
They are on their own.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I agree, yet so often it seems they came out of this the winning party.... At least my H does...he has all he wants in his life, me, the kids, our house, his house, the ow, money, great job, fantastic trips etc.
I know that what I have has more value in my heart...yet it still hurts.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
T You are so right we can not have a R with our H They are not there all we can do is watch from a distance and move forward with our lives It has been a painful process but all of us LBS have grown a alot God has the plan we only listen and continue to grow and pray for H as we let go when I remember waht it was like almost 2 years ago..the pain the fear of losing H the abandonment and now I am almost free I see so much more now all my R are better I am more complete and healed than before
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
It is amazing what has brought all of us together.
The PAIN caused by a Mid Lifer.
We would have never met otherwise.
We would have never shared each other's lives.
Weird isn't it.
I was listening to a Christian evangelist this morning and he said something that really struck a cord.
He said if you are filled with the holy spirit, you can forgive anyone for doing anything to you.
If you have god in your life, you are so at peace with life, so happy, so contented that no one can take away your ability to forgive.
This made so much sense to me.
I need to try to get there.
I want that feeling.
Today I spent it having fun with my two girls and my older daughter's girlfriend.
They wanted to dye a strand of their hair pink.
We had a blast.
Girl fun...
Giggles...
Laughs....
They are so innocent
Beautiful to watch
Then after everyone had a strand of pink hair, we all ate Mexican until we could not move.
Life is good.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It is all so very hard. Even if we forgive, it is so emotionally painful that you never forget it.
Yes, many of us have been brought together here and we all have made some really great friends.
Nobody else (a few, maybe) would understand these struggles or what our walkaways are doing and why or how we feel.
It has been a very long and painful journey. I see some of these newer people posting and oh, to think back at those times in the very beginning. It is so painful to even go back to those times.
I can only hope and pray that we are in a better place after all is said and done.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I couldn't agree with all of you more!!! We do have a special bond that no one can take away from us. My hope that no one ever has to go thru this kind of pain again but we see it all the time on these boards.
I'm so thankful for all my cyber friends! There have been so many nights that I couldn't have gotten thru it without all of you on here.
One of things that just blows my mind is the double life of the Ml'er.
Went to church with my two daughters this morning.
Guess who is an usher now in the church.
Yes, you guessed it.
My adulterous, lying, cheating, manipulating, scamming, self-centered pity-tripping ex.
I am not using those words to be mean, it is simply what he is.
They are factual words.
Do they see the "ironic' in their life.
Everyone who sees this and knows the situation, just snickers...
Again, they truly are ill.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
