Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

Today's opportunity to detach and 'man up.'

XW called and asked if she could have our children after church 'like always' (her self-serving interpretation).

Me- I told her, "No." Disengaging and not being a wuss.
XW- "Why, do you have something planned?"
Me- "Yes, I plan on spending my time with our children." XW- "Well, I don't understand. This is what we've always done."
Me- "No, this is what we've done for the past 3 Sundays when I've had them with me. For the past 3 years, we've always had our regular schedule. We're sticking with that."
XW- "Well, maybe you'll change your mind before tomorrow. Can I speak with D8?"

XW gets on the phone with my daughter and tells D8(according to D8), "Daddy says you can't go with my right after church, but if you really want to, you can."

I go outside and call XW back. She was with her friend, the "Marriage Cancer",as I 'lovingly' refer to her, and I asked XW what she told D8. I discussed with XW what D8 told me that XW said. XW said D8 was mistaken. Of course, this is the same D8 that XW always tells me doesn't lie, but apparently she can't repeat what XW said to her 2 minutes prior. XW then says, "Our schedule isn't spelled out in the court documents; we've just always agreed on it." I didn't debate this point with XW, I simply said that I am not OK with XW making changes to my time with our children and then informing me afterward. I asked her, how would you like it if I did the same to you? XW says she understands and I said goodbye.

This was a HUGE step for me in my R with XW because I have had the spine of jellyfish when XW asked me to do anything her way. I wasn't a jerk. I was simply assertive and I don't care how she and Marriage Cancer rehash it, and they will, or how XW will repeat the interaction to others, and she will. I just don't care. I was firm and assertive, that's all, and I can live with that. I just remind myself that I am not trying to be XW's friend. We will be friends a H&W, but if that will not be again, then XW will have to settle for friendly, end of story.