I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Be sure to continue taking care of yourself even though you are upset.
I wonder sometimes if my XW has similar feelings to yours. I finally had to stop talking to her because she broke into tears every time we were together even though she was the one pushing for D. She said she couldn't deny her interest in other men and lack of intimate feelings for me. She told me she recognized that we connected on many levels and could communicate like no one else in her life, but she felt she couldn't be the woman for me and was happy being alone. I was upset for awhile, and still am sometimes, but I realize that she did what she did for a reason and it was a valid reason.
Situations change, people change, and you felt you had to follow through with the D. Trying to second guess that now is only going to cause you pain. I know that's an anti-DB thing to say, but I think it's the truth.
The best you can do is accept your life NOW and try to make it the best you can. If you can normalize things with your XH, great, but you shouldn't hold him up as the standard of happiness because obviously there were problems. Learn from those problems and make your life better accordingly. And who knows what will happen in the future.
You might want to read/ask advice from DanceQueen in Sex Starved Marriage forum. I've only lurked on her thread, but have seen her post some really good things about moving on from her previous marriage and overcoming those regrets.
