I was the one who thought divorce was the only solution to my being stuck and inability/refusal to grow in my marriage. I divorced a very supportive man who desperately tried to DB. I was certain my feelings would never be more than platonic for him and that was the main fuel for my decision. My guilt, lack of sexual drive and refusal to take responsibility of my feelings basically ripped away what I loved most.
There was no physical affair. We had a sex starved marriage especially after our children were born. I've been haunted and plagued by it for months now and can't seem to get him out of my head. I feel like I'm going crazy.
I first started dating while we were separated but I concluded after a few months (of strictly dinner dates - no sex) that my husband was who I belonged with. Not only for our children, but because of all of his good qualities. We reconciled and I felt the reconciliation was a mistake within a few months because my sexual chemistry still wasn't "working properly". It was like trying to have sex with a brother. He desperately tried to keep the marriage together and I was convinced there was no hope for me to be the WIFE he once had, and deserved.
He told me this was my last chance. I understood and foolishly set him free in 09/2007. Within a few weeks of him moving out, he was living with an old flame or crush from school. She moved herself and 4 children here from across the country - to be with him. She is a very dominant type and my contact with my ex became less and less to the point where she would reply to any emails I sent to him concerning the children.
I started dating a man last year, out of lonliness, right around the time my divorce was final. To my bitterwseet delight, I found my sex drive to be repaired and almost insatiable. There've been many times where the table has been turned on me, and I am painfully aware of how my husband felt. I feel like I'm dying a slow death and it's all my fault. I've always been a "I made my bed, now I have to lay in it" type. I cry daily as anything seems to remind me of my husband, who I tore apart and discarded like trash.
