2009 - The Craziness Continues

[lost_in_space]

Hi all. Been silent for a couple days - all kinds of cr@p happening.

In a nutshell from Thursday:
- W alleged physical abuse (ABSOLUTELY UNFOUNDED) and threatened to call police - KIDS STOPPED HER. Bad scene followed with raised voices, kids scared. I blew it - couldn't keep control and yelled back.

- W left house - took D11 with her despite my objections

- W arranged for S14 and D16 to go to friends, again despite my objections.

- W telling everyone it was "unsafe" to stay because of physical and verbal abuse; friends are calling her on the physical and she backs away very quickly.

- I documented the evening's events and forwarded to my L who in turn contacted her L. Will also be contacting authorities Monday (I have approved the letter) to warn of the possible allegations coming.

This sucks! The k's have been filled with stuff from W (D11 said she had to go with W because W said she would lose rights with D11 if she did not; k's say W will move out if I give her money of which there is none, but k's have been told there is lots).

D16 and S14 have said they do not want to choose - yet by having W make arrangements with them, they have. My take - k's are SCARED / TERRIFIED of W.

I slept for maybe 1 hour Thursday night. Busy day at work Friday helped. Went to movie with S14 last night - said he could sleep in own room tonight, wouldn't be choosing anything other than sleep in his own room. He looked very sad.

[lost_in_space]

By the way - should also say that W received my financial disclosure Thursday - this contributed to everything (I think).

Met with Mediator on Thursday (solo) - he is not sure mediation will work given W's attitude towards kids(wants full time) and $$ (wants the equivalent of 80% of my current take home) and employment ("who me????").

[karen43]

I'm so sorry to hear what's been going on. I remember going throught that phase and H was very paranoid of me (when one of his items of mail was dented or something he thought I had done it), of course the Post office did that! But just really crazy emotions, on my side too, b/c you're having to deal with a cheating, lying, crazy, paranoid WAS.

I do think it sounds like you should go as NC as possible with your W. I wouldn't even talk to her unless there were several witnesses present. I don't trust your W at all. I would keep in close contact with your L, maybe a temporary custody hearing needs to be set up. Did you ever involve a family therapist in this? I think that would help you; I know ours is an ally to me in that she knows our situation and the more the truth is known the better in these kinds of things I think.

We really did go through that kind of phase around the time we were physically separating, and things have gotten 99% better since then. I still have to deal with him occasionally. But seriously things worked out for the best in my sitch, and I know they will in yours also. I also think it will be good for your W to face some reality. She will not be getting 80% of your salary and will find that out fairly soon. My H is giving the kids and I 50% of his salary now and I'm a sahm and both kids are special-needs with lots of $$$ copays every month.

I also think you should try not to get involved in any talk with your W. I try to do about 99% email with my H and that works out well, plus it gives me proof now that I'm telling him stuff, I'm polite, etc. Something I just really learned recently like this past week is that it's ok for us to have different opinions. H and I would always get in this attack-defend mode with me defending myself for how I looked at things all the time. I'm entitled to my opinion, and I don't need to defend it, and neither do you. (((((LIS)))))

Karen

[Tawnya]

{{{LIS}}} Ugh.. Ihate I haven't been here to read up on all the CRAP that was going on..manohman..how are YOU??? That just totally sucks and her sucking the kids in like that is just beyond UGH...

Just let us know that hopefully things have settled down!!

Tawnya

[lost_in_space]

(((Tawnya)))

Thanks. We had 1st joint mediation meeting. Agreed to do a 2 night rotation in the house for the time being. Not the greatest BUT at least I have my kids for the next 2 nights. W doesn't like this.

We will see what happens.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't know all the details, but if she doesn't like it, I already do!

Puppy

[Tawnya]

{{{LIS}}} I hope it goes well for you..how are you with it??

Tawnya

[lost_in_space]

Puppy - she is upset about losing her "full time job" as a stay at home mom. I had to contain my snickers.

(((Tawnya))) I am good with this - at least I have my kids on a consistent basis. I love that.

[kat727]

gee, maybe it is time for her to understand what a paycheck is. Believe me I know Mom's that stay at home or otherwise bust their hiney's but one that is using that as an excuse to run around on her family needs a huge dose of reality. Hope this is a huge bucketful!

hugs.

kat

[lost_in_space]

(((kat)))

I agree - many many stay at home parents work their rears off and I don't know how they do it. My hats off to them.

When it leads to the entitlement cr@p that I am seeing, the line is crossed.