Emotional rollercycle still going strong. This is what I wrote as my future words to A:
Dear A,
How do I say this in three sentences or less?
What I believe in 'now' more than ever before is 'actions speak louder than words'. But I don't know how to show you that to have a relationship with me does not mean 'all or nothing at all'?
I would really prefer to enjoy your company, to hang out, to have fun, to eat together, watch movies, to laugh, experience, enjoy each other ... whatever ...
I not only hold you in high esteem and appreciate who you are, but I like being with you ... It is not 'either-or' with me ... it never was.
Quite frankly, A, I miss your company ... never mind love ... I like you, you're a good guy, your funny, smart thoughtful, and talented, and so much more...what's more, I think you enjoy my company, too. For that matter, I miss being your companion, as well.
