Sorry for the mix-up -- yeah, Puppy: "VancouverDAD" -- duhh!!!
I wouldn't put much stock in what your wife SAYS right now -- only what she DOES. I think you have a good read on the sitch: she was in "tell him ANYTHING to get him not to dump her" mode.
As I posted on your other thread, I'm not a big believer in the "don't tell them what you know; we mustn't spook the infidels!" approach. While I NEVER advocate telling them HOW you know, I think you often have to tell them WHAT you know, and what therefore your boundaries are. As Bworl pointed out to you, since you've both now had affairs, maybe you can start fresh from some sort of equal footing.
I personally don't think establishing boundaries is "pushing them away," if done properly. It is saying that "I don't WANT to push you away, but these are the things that I need in order to feel safe in the marriage, and if you can't do them, then that's your choice."
