Thank you all, for the feedback. Much appreciated.
A few more comments:
1. I am 100% in support of our child being the number one priority. And I appreciate EVERY effort that my wife makes in trying to be the best parent for our baby. I get that. However, I still do have desire for an intimate relationship with my wife and I am searching for a way to squeeze one into our current family situation. If I should feel guilty about that, please let me know.
2. The whole idea of an "affair" is nothing more than that. I intend to be faithful whether our sexual relationship improves or not. But, the unknown is whether I could keep those intentions if an opportunity presented itself. I hate even thinking that I would be vulnerable, but I'm trying to be realistic and honest and I do not know how I would react in certain scenarios. I hope I would do the right thing, but it scares me that I sometimes get so discouraged about "us" that my eyes begin to wander and the fantasies begin to cloud the mind.
3. I've tried being "romantic", not that I'm some kind of Romeo. But the reaction has been luke-warm. I think between the exhaustion and her low self esteem (weight gain), she just doesn't place nearly as much emphasis on our sexual relationship as I do. If she knew some of what I discuss here, she might realize the importance...but I can't just announce that I have bad thoughts about our marriage because I think it would just make the current situation (which isn't horrible) worse.
4. I have tried on a few occasions (while we were actually being intimate) to make comments to the effect of "why don't we do this more often?"...or "too bad we don't do this as much as we used to", etc... Her reaction to such comments is positive in that she agrees that we should be intimate more, and she misses it too, and she still enjoys it too, and that it is a good idea to increase our frequency of love making...but then she never follows through and makes any changes to make it easier for us to be together more often. It is a bit frustrating.
5. As far as "waking her up"...I would never do that unless she suggested it. I thought, well, maybe she thinks the same thing about waking me up in the mornings. So, I specifically told her that since she's usually too tired at night, that I wouldn't mind being woken earlier than usual for some sex. She seemed like she'd do it, but it has been weeks and she has not.
6. We do have a baby siter, but use her mainly during the day when both of us need to be at work (I work 5 days a week and am gone by 8:00 and return around 5:30, she works 3 days a week 8:30-4:00). We'll have to try getting the sitter for some evenings or a weekend day, but it is tough because she sits the baby in our home, which would make it difficult to "get busy".
7. Anyway...most guys probably have exotic fantasies, while I just long for a day when I come home from work and my wife greets me actually dressed in something other than sweats and a giant tee shirt, and actually has fixed her hair and makeup and actually seems as though she'd be interested in some intimacy once the baby goes to sleep. This is a "fantasy" that has not played itself out even one time in the 10 months since our child was born. When we do have sex it is usually while baby's napping on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon...as wife strips out of her unflattering clothes for a quickie. Then those unflattering clothes goe back on as the baby wakes up (usually before we're done). Gone is fore-play. Gone is cuddling afterwards. It's just not good enough anymore.
Sorry for being so long. Maybe I should just accept that "married with kids" means very little sex and less pleasure/happiness than I'd like, period ???
