The unfaithful wife...that's me..

[25yearsmlc]

Mell,

on the mc issue, if your mc is half decent, they'll see right thru your h's approach and I'd love to be a fly on the wall.


H: W had an A!
MC: Still?
H: no, but...W HAD AN A!
MC: what do you want to do about it?
H: punish her...hurt her....string her along....make her suffer....have an A myself...and maybe someday get back together...?
MC: how's that "aprroach working" with your ultimate goal?
H: what?
MC: Ultimate goal? Getting back together? How's that going?
H: it's not. I hurt her too much and she moved on...
MC: oh
H: but I was "right"...
MC: Right? About what?
H: SHE HAD AN A!
MC: still?
H: no, but...W HAD AN A!
and so forth...


Seems to me that MC will say something useful to h if he/she is candid. How is the mc you have? Hope he's good...

Ours (5th of 5 in all...) was very good at the end; meaning the pro-M counselor seemed to call h on things more than any other mc. Ironically, b/c the other mc's wanted me to pretty much div H, saying he'd never change, or at least it was "Obvious h wanted to act like a single man in decision making..." and that "his priorities are not yours" so I was usually left with the distinct impression that divorce was a certainty, barring a miracle.

So, the last mc was more pro-M and a lot like a DB coach. HE challenged h and didn't let h keep going in the blame game. If he let h rant, he'd wait and then confront about how off target H's anger was..."is it really fair or accurate to blame w for your job's dissatisfaction? Do you see that making choices without w will hurt M even if choice was otherwise reasonable?" Stuff like that, but h liked that counselor, so go figure. The only thing that seemed to work in the long run with my h, was time alone where he went, with his choices. I mean he was alone and after his fellowship boards were passed, that same day he seemed to look around and notice that no one was there. "Where is everybody? Oh, oops, they aren't up here b/c I left them and came up here to build this great gazillion dollar job and THEN they'll like me again..." and he began calling me and saying things about wanting me up there. Kept it up, and eventually "begged" me to come up there and join him and just "give it a chance" up there... eventually I did. So, he had to go find himself alone with his choices. And he did.

Don't assume ow's are all good news for h and bad news for you either. I found that the men I met were not impressive, for the most part, and made me miss h more. So, there's that.

Trooper to teacher -- I will check it out but I got out of the military awhile ago. H got out in '01 but has discussed going back to reserves due to having so many years in & might only take a few years to earn retirement.
Yes, the cut in pay is actually almost funny. Like a 75% cut. I try to remind myself of the better hours and no ulcer/issues of "Gee, is this corporation really doing something legal?...cuz I don't feel soooo goooooddddd and I do want to keep my law license...."

And I did some work at d19's hs (intense two week project) and really enjoyed it and felt I was making a bigger diff than I did as a L in the past 10 years...we don't reward those in our society, based on the number of lives changed but that has to be the criteria for happiness at work. Talk to you soon on that.

Your h may come around and I wouldn't say that but for the things you say good about him in the past; and the fact that he wants to go to the mc. Of course, he wants to go WITH you...so you are smart to let him have his own time.Sure he may just want to rag on you in front of you so he can force you to hear him AGAIN...nice....

But on the off chance your mc has something to say to h that is candid and hard for h to hear, it'll get thru better without you there. Removes some of the pride from the room and h may be more willing to see his own role. That can't be a bad thing. Takes time. Good luck mell, seriously good luck.

(( j ))