I agree: if you felt it, it was there, do not ignore your "little voice", it's your friend. What you do with "it" is something else. I would say "forget about it". Let him think about it and try to figure out what it meant. Just "keep on swimming"...
I have only read this thread of yours and of course recognise many emotions you describe (we all do). In my case, things shifted when he knew I was gone. Really gone. Not pretending, not faking it. I was having a good time and it showed. Concetrate on you, make all this about you and you only. Dont push for the D. Dont worry about the separation agreement, better safe than sorry.
Try and look at the whole sitch as your chance to shine. I know it sounds silly but it's the best advice I can think of(which makes me silly too). xxx K
Thanks everyone. I've turned down the volume on my "little voice" and put the encounter aside.
Strangely although it was so unexpected, natural and spontaneous, recon hasn't crossed my mind all day. One of the things my h said during his leaving was that he never "chose" me... that we met during a crisis period in his life and that meant he didn't consciously choose me. That didn't feel good after being together almost 10 years.
In any event, for any recon to be possible, he would have to choose and I would have to feel chosen, if willing. Five spontaneous minutes in a parking lot doesn't even come close.
I like your thinking about recon. I am in the same frame of mind, in fact, W would have to work REAL hard to persuade me she meant it. That to me, is a good thing. I am being realistic now, and so are you. Keep it up
Thanks for keeping up with me. Just posted again on my thread - no news really. Maybe my H feels like the bomb has been dropped on him now.
That's just foolishness and bullsh*t about not being "chosen". I'm sure you've read what other LBS 's partners have said - called MLC "script". All just rationalizing and excuses to leave or to start an A. Mine said "We got married for the wrong reason". I've yet to figure that one out. It's not like I was 16 and pregnant! And how did the "wrong reason" last happily for nearly 20 years?!
So, I bet your H is indeed thinking about that parking lot encounter. That's the beauty of GALing. He saw you happy and free.
Keep it up!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I agree with you SF. I heard some weird and wonderful stories when we 1st separated.
Our M went from being bad for 6 months, to 2 years, to 10 years and finally, since the children were born (23 years ago!).
I know that is a load of tosh and let it slide off my back. That has changed now and W says that we have had a lot of good times and she can remember them fondly.
Who knows what she will be saying next time.
Do what feels right for you. You know the truth, H just can't quite see it at the moment.
I don't think I'll be around the board as much in the next few days... checking in to read others' posts but may not have much to say. Still detaching but need some time out, I think.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
My life is good; I'm happy, peaceful and content most of the time. Yes, my emotional divorce happened. I didn't expect it; I didn't even know that I wanted it or was ready for it. I'll begin the legal divorce in a few weeks once the waiting period has expired.
I hope someday to be part of a wonderful partnership with a man whom I will cherish and who will cherish me. Who knows? This is pretty good and it's enough.
I'll keep reading... and sending my good wishes and caring thoughts to all of you. Oh, and there will probably be my opinions from time to time too!
Thanks so much for your support, patience, wisdom and understanding. I wouldn't have gotten here without each one of you. I respect and admire what each of you is doing to move forward.
