Got a call from d29 last night/this morning at 12:30 AM. W had eft her house around 11:30, d29 had a few and was talking with MIL who is at her house. Conversation from her was not good. She apologized for waking me up and then went on to say her mother is disgusting, she looks like a booze bag, her hair is like straw, she didn't color her white roots, because she doesn't have the money, she looks old and worn, and my d29 says she doesn't want anyone to know she came from her. I don't even think of her as my mother anymore. She said the W sat there completely in a fog, had a few drinks, seemed nervous, and looked absolutely awful. She told me she doesn't like this whole thing one bit and she has had it. I calemd her down and told her not to be that way, that she is dealign with things and some people deal with them different ways. thats when she ttacked her morality and sobriety. She told me, Know wonder she drinks all the time, shes happy whne she is getting rocked, and miserabel when she is sober and has to deal wtih things. And this OM, what the F$%^&! I told her to calm down, things wil change and start to get better. She told me how much she loved me and really is proud of me and how I am handling things. She says she is very proud to be my daughter, And that all of this crap that my W is putting me through isn't fair to me.
MIL got on the phone and basically repeated everything D29 said/. Her own mother!!!
I calmed her as well. No bad thoughts about anything other than bills last night. Didn't sleep good. Just mind going crazy, I prayed last night Amy, not for anything but for her to find her way. She seems more lost now. My son refuses to talk to her at all. W found out my DIL was pregnant from D17. D17 didn't no it was a secret. W brought it up last night and said to D29 and MIL "That's nice, DIL is pregnant and my own son can't call me, bet his father was the first one to know." D29 responded with , "When was the last time you called your son? When was the last time you went to visit him and you didn't ask him for money?" "Yeah, Dad was the first to know. We all tell Dad everything first, except D17, you got that worked out." I guess W sat there with her motuh open and no response. MIL added, "they go to LD, becasue he has been there for them, even going thru this, they have been able to rely on him for anything. I hear he takes the boys overnight, takes them to the camp, goes to chuck e cheese, goes over their houses to hang out and have a good time, invites them to his house. When do you do that?" Her response was "Well they should cal me if they need things, how am i suppoed to know?" My d29 got up and made herself a stronger drink. she wanted to really get itno it but decided to wait for her to leave and call her daddy to get calmed down.
MIL says W looks worse than ever. I did feel good after W called the house and talked with me last night. Again, it was useless stuff, but it felt good that she wanted to talk to me, not just have me hand the phone over to D17. She kinda rushed her conversation so I wouldn'yt just leave ...
She does sound more at ease with me. I don't know. I still feel different. Even with everything else. No emotion, not upset, no second guessing, no hopes, no expectations and no signs. Walk is good, starting to slightly go uphill and to the left, not that its important. finally seeing trees!!!
Sounds like W is crashing like a jetliner into the Hudson River (sorry couldn't resist ).
It sounds like she's starting to smell the coffee a bit, but there's one problem IMO, she needs to get off the booze! I don't think you'll ever get anywhere unless you can have a sober conversation with her, I by sober I mean atleast a couple of days of no booze.
I would think enough comments from her own kids and family about it shoul dbe more than sufficient, I know when I had my problems earlier in life it did. I mean, just on the booze portion, no M stuff included. just my 2 cents.
Until then, watch your arse around them trees buddy, remember, there's 2 of them, lost W&evil W, from my sitch I've learned evil W is hiding in them trees somewhere and is one hell of a sharp shooter
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I hear ya. I do not know if her world is crashing, but I posted beginning of the week at my D17 school meeting, she looked rough, I mean rough. Like she had been out parrying the night before. Maybe she was. Her conversations with me, 1 face to face and the other by phone were nice. the face to face one was odd, she seemed to start telling em about evrything and why did they do this and I talk to them and whatevr, But I just listened. I have been saying this so I'll stick with it, I feel diffrent, since my conversation with her on Wednesday, I feel different, detached maybe? I had told Amy and 25year that maybe I was lloking at her thru His eyes, I think she was more at ease with me. I think last night being alone with D29and MIL made her feel off. I tink her calling and getting me instead of D17 was another eye opener. She asked if I told my son and other D about satruday get together with MIL? I said yeah, I told them. I will pick up DIL and Ggrandson Saturday and bring them over, son will be over after work and other D wil be over in the afternoon. I got "Oh,,," as her response. She asked me about D17 school progarm and asked about this and that before I shuffled her off. I got a ok, bye I'll talk to you later.
Something is weird. My D29 nevr goes off like that, well she hasn't in a couple of months, but I don't know if its W attitude last night and the night before or what, but D29 was pissed and verbal and mad and angry, and you get the picture. Don't know , all I know is I feel good, real good and different.
People at our campground said they noticed she was drinking more and more each weekend up to this happened. Nights I went to bed they say she was a stumbling drunk and always had to have people walk her home. I used to get mad and tell her to come home with me and she would say, No I am staying with my friends...She started drinking harder and harder before the bomb, now, from what I have been told, she drinks Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday and staturday night and sunday. If she is at someones house and they have a beer or something to drink, she drinks...Amy, it really showed in her face Wednesday. My D29 is really upset at how she looks and acts, she says, Dad, she's in a friggin fog...My d29 offered her something to eat last night because she said she was hungry and she turned her down, but boy, she had enuogh drinks. D29 says she wanted chinese or pizza or something. d29 just called and said its like she wants us to treat her becuase hses here. she doens't get those things unless shes with him, and she expects everyone to give her what she wants...
My SIL wouldn't come home Wednesday night or Thursday night until my D called him and told him she was gone. Bad, this is sad...
I still feel good. D29 told me about her day with MIL they had a blast. MIL feels bad for W and wants to give her a check to go buy a tire for her car. Yep, still riding on the donut...
D told her she won't buy a tire. D29 says if OM was into her, why doesn't he get her a tire. D thinks he may be geting tired of her. Again, this car may be symbolic of her conditon right now. Couple of good notes, since I still feel really good, AMy do you think its detachmetn finally settling in? It is a very strange feeling. Anyway. Came home to give D17 (mopey) some money to go out with her friends. She said thanks. I said yep, but you still need to do some cleaning to earn it. She said yep, but thats not why I thnaked you. I thanked you becuase you got me into this program, because you listened to me and knew it was right to do it. I thanked you because you listen to me. Wow!!!
D29 called me to tell me about who's coming over tomorrow. This is my first house party as a semi-single dad,Sampy, me... I am putting together a double layer gold cake with choc frosting, sausage and potato and peppers and onion casserole, and bifg pot of american chop suey. I'm excited. Anyway, she said while her mom was talking to me on the phone, she was all smiles and playing with her hair. When D29 said give me the phojen, she shushed her away and kept talking to me. She said she heard how quick she started talking before you gave the phone up. After the call with D17, she hung up and kinda sat there in a fog, playing with her hair. Not to get your hopes up Dad, but she was smiling, like, he talked to me, he talked to me...
she didn't have enough gas money to go there tonight. I am sure OM is coming up to see her, or not who knows, who cares.
I have a full house tomorrow. All of my kids, my grandbabiesm, firnds, a couple of nieces and nephews...Its exciting. You knwo I never asked if she was coming here tomorrow and no one has mentioned her. Maybe she is going away with OM, doubt it.
Yeah Amy, we were both drinking pretty hard when the bomb dropped, but I quit and she got worse, opposite ends of the spectrum. D29 feels she is only happy when she is drinking or drunk, when she is with him they are out drinking and getting drunk, so there you are. I am running around cooking and cleaning, have a huge bottle of wine in my fridge from two weeks ago and there are only two glasses missing from it. I am off the wall happy about this get together tomorrow. After they leave Sunday, I am invited to a baby shower, guys will hang int he bar of this club I am sure, but it feels good to get invited out. I mean they are her friends too. she didn't get invited.
Again, not prideful, just very happy. Still recall the conversation with her on Wednesday, the image is blurry still...I don't know if I should embrace this strange feeling or be afraid of it....Any thoughts
When this first happened, she cleaned all the booze out of my camper, was only going to take her things. I had a 50 year old bottle of VO a friend gave me, worth some money. she went tothe camp ground a few times on Friday nights because he lives in that area and she would meet him. One night I was there I went into her trunk to get something, there was all the booze in her trunk. Half the bottle of VO gone. Whne she packed up to inot to her freinds, you guessed it, took all the booze from the house, all of it.
Drinking problem, her mother has one, her father had one, cost them their marriage on top of her pounding the crap out of her.
I had posted our situation, I would drink and get jealous, she would drink and flirt more, I would drink and get more joealous and so on down the road.
Her friends have told me she drinks a lot. Her friend she lives with says they hardly drink, my daughter tells me when she is over there they are always having a cocktail...
She is going to get busted for OUI or worse opne of these times.
She is out with OM now, D17 was at party and needed a ride, she thought i was out and called the woman whoher mom lives with. She went and got her and called me. I dcalled D17 and talked toher. I said why didn't you call me, she said I didn't want to bother you if you were out, you never go out and I didn't want to spoil it for you. I said what about calling your mom, Are you ready for this, she said, she wouldn't answer her phone because she is out with idiot!! I hope she doesn't come over tomorrow, she said. She said she'd call me int he morning.
I think you and 25year were right about D17, she knew who wasn't there in the school meetings this past couple of weeks, and she knew who made the decision to get her into the program. She saw her borrow $10 from me for gas to visit her mother, and borrow money from her mother to go back last night, and now she is out on the town...I think d17 is registering more than I thought. Anyway, D17 is safe, I called the police and she was fine, no trouble, wasn't drinking just showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time...
I think she drinks more now, i think the more miserable things get for her, the more she drinks and the farther away she drifts. Her life, her waste. If she is happy with OM and her life, then she is in a good place for her. But I doubt any of that is true. Still feeling pretty good tho. Now I am wondering if she will be here tomorrow or not. If she doesn't show, well, that just puts more nails in the family door.
He must be happy, having a woman who likes to be drunk all the time so he can manipulate her, and she just loves being the center of his attention, as long as he's buying the drinks, Wow, I was there, glad I'm not....
Hey LD - Good to see you are hanging in there. Hello Amy C, glad to see you are back from exile!
Anybody know what the first signs of an MLCer coming out of the fog looks like? ExW seems to have lost all her anger for me and now takes every opportunity to establish contact. May mean nothing at all but it surely is a change. It has been 12 months since the OM biz started ( I think. Might have been longer), about 3 years since the hormone situation really got going and close to 11 months since the ExW walked away from it all.
The ExW seems to have lost the arrogance & anger since losing control of me. She seems alittle sentimental and sad. Hangs on the phone wanting to say something but never quite gets it out. Sent me a very emotional text on her birthday.
Maybe 30 years together was harder to replace than she thought?
Last edited by thrillisgone; 01/24/0909:02 AM.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Last night was very uncomfortable for me, extremely. W went home and didn't stay over, thank God. went to church today, it was good, needed it. They are here today for my Nephew's b'day, because they have no where else to go. My MIL, W, her best frined, BIL and nephew. W is going thru the house like she owns it. Taking out food and setting everything up. WTF?! I was right all her talking on the phone and stuff was an act for her mother. Had to to call OM after she talked to me, probably to get the taste out of her mouth. whatever....
I left the house, my house!!!! couldn't tak elistening to her walking around, taking stuff out, going thru things like she was still living here. Best i walked out and not open my mouth. told them I had to do something adnwent to D21 appartmetn.
Came back and they were out of booze, W goes out to her overnight bag she had from being at OM and came back with a couple of nips. Poured them into her drink and licked the end of the bottle, drinking problem. they just now left with BIL exwife to go have a drink while he spends time with his daughter at my house. Out of booze, she is syupposedly broke, but going out for drinks.
Are you ready for this. best friend is having trouble with her daughters. W says "They are turning into little bitches, everything is about them and what they want, they don't care about anyone else or remember all the goodtimes, its about them. don't worry they'll be back, they'll start to realize how good things were and they'll be back" Left the room...
I have made a bunch of phone calls to stay away from her. Talking about people i went to HS with and how this one was hot and I liked that one, and oh yeah he was nice!!! I rolled my eyes and everyone looked over at me. I cannot stand having her here. At all!!!! I am uncomfortabel hearing her talk aobut this and that, watching her drink and watching her act like she still belongs here, SHE DOESN'T!!!
Her mother told me last night "She is really family oriented, she loves being with family." My response "Whose?"
I told her mother in very easy to remember words "After this weekend, she will not see D29 or be around family like this until the end of April at my grandson's B'day". she said, "that's not trrue, she tells me she is down D29 and with all the kids all the time" they all heard her and set her straight. she couldn't belive it. My SIL told MIL right to her face, the reason he didn't come home the two nights W was over was because he cannot stomoach the site of her.
MIL saw and heard the truth this weekend, sad, but true. She now knows that W has been feeding her lines of crap.
It is sad to think that I left my house because she was here, just couldn't handle it. Not emotionally, just, I don't know, ever been someplace where you felt uncomfortable and just had to leave, that was me. Now she runs out to have a couple more dirnks, because there is no booze here. She went into my room asking where the B'day carss were that she had put away, told her I don't know. she came back out and told me she found them, my response under my breath was F' You!. Its the thought of this charade she is putting on in front of everyone, that me and her are OK, I am fine with the whole thing. I haven't spoken to her more tham 20 words all weekend, and have no desire to do so. I am waiting on everyone, cleaning up, dealing with everything, but I can't even look at her.
Oh, by the way, I had a half a bottle of wine left from yesterday, she drank it....
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