Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[glamgirl]

SC it's past so forget trying to recover from the e-mail. Don't send him anything. You can't criticize him right now. You can't question him right now. All you CAN do is step away from the fire or you will get burned.

I was laughing when I read what you wrote to your h. That is the kind of e-mails I wrote to my h in the beginning. You will need those to stop.

A little history on my past life. When all went down, my h moved out and was gone. Wouldn't answer his cell, wouldn't answer e-mail. Just simply ignored me and any responsibilities to his kids.

Before DB I took it upon myself to try to force myself into his life. I showed up at his work and pushed my way into his office and dropped myself down in a chair. This was one occassion. Then on others I would try to find him and then if I saw him follow him and confront him and he was with ow. Well it got ugly. Yelling, fighting and the police were called. H then filed a restaining order against me. It really should have been a stalking order if he had did his homework.

He wanted to be left alone. The restraining order was later thrown out. That was early on in this MLC journey. The most I think we didn't have communication was 3 weeks. That was actually the easiest for me. It was hard to see him and then watch him walk away. Every time he would leave the house I would burst out crying.

I finally after over a year backed off completely. I didn't ? him anymore, no R talks, just loved him from a distance. When he came over I put the game face on and was loving and kind. Deep down though I was hurting inside. Didn't want my h to see me that way.

I started to ask h to help with things in the house. Like small things. H could you hand this photo while you are here today. When he would do those things I usually sent an e-mail thanking him a showing my appreciation. He never responded.

About a year a half into the journey h said he wanted to go to mc. Now I was jaded. I didn't want to go. I had suggested it early on and h said absolutely NOT. It took almost a month or more for me to make the 1st appointment. It was through a good friend on these boards that said make that appointment.

The first session h told the mc I am only here because Glam asked me and I want to be able to communicate with her in regards to the kids.

4 months into the c he said I can't see myself ever returning to the m. So as you can see SC this has been lots and lots of progress over time. In my mind the progress has been slow, but today I feel really good about the direction my m is going.

It has been lots of prayer and patience. Lots of trying to work on myself. Lots of tongue biting. Lots of trying to show unconditional love, respect and admiration.

It's a slow race that may never be won! The winning though is you find your true self.

Hugs! Now get back to doing what matters. No R talks, No ? your h, let him be the MAN!