I know he's nuts. That's the whole problem, isn't it? They are not in their right mind!
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
TX, that is a great positive convo from your H. Remember, don't push anything from him, let him do this on his speed. I'm glad the anniversary date made him sick. Now that he has some feeling in connection to what he did, it's made his eyes open a little bit.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
You are on my mind and in my prayers still. I hope your H is seeing what he is giving up. You are a great person and deserve a marriage that is worthy of you. Keep your chin up!
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
It sounds more to me he is seeking some modicum of forgiveness, and to a very small extent your approval. I know what you are all thinking..."APPROVAL, ARE YOU INSANE?"
It's what men do...we seek approval from our women. We feed on it, and he sounds like he is more in withdrawal from that than anything else. Approval from a 25 year old girl is easy. Hell, she is probably happy with Taco Bell. Where is the challenge? Minimal effort results in minimal rewards.
Now, approval from the successful business woman who married him and bore him two children...that would go a long way in making him feel good.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
PM - I agree that I was happy to see our anniversary had an impact and he felt ok to share some of it with me. When I said I struggled that evening he said he was struggling too.... AND I do agree with your IC.. I can definitely see that my H would expect there to be no way back to this marriage with all he has done... and even if he ever thought he'd want to come back I feel he struggles with "how could we even make it work again" ... a good friend of ours said the same thing... that I'm a strong women and that my H would probably assume I wouldn't take him back and second if I did that it would be a living H@ll or we could never be able to make it good again so he'll probably keep on doing the same...
We talked that night for an hour.. the next day when I got back from my trip he was being nice and warm and not wanting to leave right when I walked in.. helped feed the girls with me... hugged me when he left.
I also agree with Superstar that my H probably is telling me his feelings to seek forgiveness or to make himself feel better for his own forgiveness or to reduce his guilt.. either way I'll never know.
All of our spouses create their own reality, they have to for survival... if they tell themselves enough BS they will start believing it and living it...
thanks again for all the support .... I've been a bad DB'er and haven't had time barely to get on and respond although I have read most of your threads...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
{{{Tx}}} I think you hit it on the head when you said the WAS's create their own reality, tell themselves their BS so much that they actually believe it..but to the rest of the world it looks so ridiculous that they can't even believe it..it's amazing stuff that fog isn't it?
I hope you are doing well this evening!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
hope it's not too awful cold down there, it definitely is here! hope your week is a good one
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
