FIrst you need to "detox" (which doesn't require actual DT's) but get some interventional treatment, some intensive support or get into a professional program from a doctor. I didn't do my inpatient stuff here or in this state as I lived elsewhere, so I can't recommend a particular place around her but I'd look for something less "Hollywood" than what you see on TV. (talk about whiners, I have a few clients who are celebrities and ....never mind)
The "miracle" is something we can discuss later as it's too personal for here.
Even if your w says she wants you out, well of course! What she believes now leads her to wonder how to foresee a life with you under the same roof, as you are now. Yet she also feels she cannot leave d18 alone with you. I mean, she's in a corner.
You can say she "secretly" wanted this, or has an evil plan, but it seems to me that her intentions were originally to leave you with d's and the house, but YOUR drinking and actions/words and concerns the girls have, prevented that, and called her back to the home. Not her "intentions" to do so, but her reaction to the cards you dealt her and your d18.
Assume for a minute that wife loves you, but thinks the M cannot work. I can imagine that. So she left you, and left you with the kids, and the house and asked for NO money for support.
But your daughters call her b/c they miss her - OF COURSE -- and that does not mean they don't love you enough--just that they love their mom. THANK GOD! But you take it as hurtful to you...I don't get that.
If you are worrying them, & the drinking does worry them, (and you admitted drinking was a problem in the past), and though you think you were not really showing the alcohol, somehow d18 knew...hey, she knew b/c it DID show...
POINT being, your wife is very likely to be trying to do the best thing she can do in this sitch. She is the one losing all support financially, she does not get to see the girls as often as you do, she does not live in a home like you do, nor does she have the job skills you do to earn a good living. But somehow it is you feeling sorry for yourself and it is you choosing to drink, not your wife. Ever think of what she has lost?
Ever wonder if the complaints she made about you being negative, might mean she wanted to keep herself from going down the drain with the same negativity? I am NOT defending her A...but I'm saying I can see why she might want to save herself. And be happy. She made a choice she felt would lead her to more happiness. Now you need to do that.
And am I really the only one who thinks that if you get your act together NOW and keep it up, the worst that can happen is your wife and daughters will see you in a much better light and the chance for a recon LATER will grow a lot?
There'll be no OM for now, and your d will have a "family" for now. You'll be under the same roof. You can get outpatient care that is all day, but you go home at night. Do it. It's intense but covered by most health insurance and you'll get support all day and that will show, as you come home to "face them" each night. Relax, or learn to. This will limit your exposure to w and d's until you can handle it. Either way, you can't start this off with just a few meetings, under the circumstances with w and d's. They'll see more change and you'll get more support with an outpatient deal.
make sense? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
