How do I communicate this problem to wife?

[Delil@h]

As I said...I don't think we have a big problem, but I would like to address it before it becomes worse. The baby is sleeping well at night and is usually down by 8:00 pm. Granted, my wife is tired after a long day of caring for the baby (which she enjoys immensely, but has admitted that it is a bit harrowing).

so how would your attitude change if you let her go to bed and catch up on sleep and not resent it so much?
Could you maybe cuddle her ( in the morning or when she seems rested ?) and then lead into sex?
Would she then welcome it or not?

I would think that if she doesn't want sex after a day's child caring for...why not try for some morning or afternoon fun, at least on weekends?

Cause she is not you... maybe her idea of perfect fun is very different?

I'm not an early riser, but would definately be game to be woken and "entertained" in bed for a while, on occasion. In the 5 years we've been together I don't think she's ever done this...even though I'll sometimes wear something kinky to bed the night before, hoping that in the morning she'll see it and get in the mood. Never works.

My H loves this idea too , and so b/c I have not done this either?
he gets hurt feelings....
Do you "wake " her up???

I am the one who initiates sex 95% of the time. Many times, a suggestion for sex gets ignored. Sometimes I just give up even trying to get her in the mood and weeks will go by, then she'll initiate...but that is rare as it is usually me that can't wait any longer and tries to initiate again.

What if you tried to stop getting her in the mood, and were just Gary ?

I just want a healthy sexual relationship with my wife, so that I do not fall to temptation of an affair. Unfortunately, my wife has also gained a large amount of weight since we've been together and I find her not only lacking in the quantity of sex, but (just being honest and open here) also find her less and less physically attractive too. I find myself looking at other women all around and thinking to myself "she's better looking than my wife, wish I could be with her". I know this is wrong and unhealthey for our marriage...and I HOPE they are just thoughts and I'd never act on them, but I am worried that if opportunity presented itself, I might not be able to be a "god boy" and reject another woman's advances.

I know you are just Human love.... but it is ultimately your decision to sleep with someone other than your Wife.
Do you honestly think she would continue to behave this way if she knew she would then have to suffer thru you having had an affaiR?
Do you think having sex with other Women in your mind is leading you to feel closer to you Wife?

BTDT~
MY H cheated on me and yes I do accept my responsibilty for his loneliness.
But Not for thinking sex with another Woman would somehow cure that loneliness.
I was lonely too, we both checked out and took another for granted.
Some hot Man Candy was not going to cure my loneliness.

My trouble is communicating. I do not want my wife to know that I feel this way about her....it would crush her self-esteem. I'm looking for a way to get some improvement without making things even worse first. All advice is appreciated. THANKS.

Then do not communicate ... do things with her , talk to her, listen , get the connection going again first. You are there with her but you have already checked out,,, do you really think she doesn't feel that?

(PS, I know I probably sound like a petty ass-hole...but the truth is the truth and I am not trying to hide from my honest feelings...I want this marriage to last and be healthy and I'm fully aware that if I acted on my urges to cheat, it would likely destroy our (and our child's) lives together)

You do not sound like an [censored]. You sound like a man who is being open and honest. Human... even ....
gald you are fully "AWARE"

Now try to start living that awareness by not being so hard on her or yourself for needing or wanting.

S&A if you are reading please offer some or your Wisdom here.


Unadjusted , how beautiful that you are being honest with yourself.
Go from there.
Stop trying and start genuinely giving, not only to her but to yourself.
All your trying is frustrating the F^CK out of you and making you get more angry and resentful with her.


Suggestion~
Go for a walk w/ Baby and Mom if time allows it.
She will get time w/you and you with her , and she *may* feel better about herself some.

Do not do any of this with expectations... Easier said than done.
Take care...
Ava