Hi NW - Though I'm not Chinese - I plan on taking Sunday for the ritual clean up as well. My goal includes getting rid of TONS of stuff that I just don't need anymore...not only will it make things cleaner - it will also make my move easier.
Have a great weekend - and if you don't check in until after the New Year - I hope you devour as much of that feast as possible!
Enjoy that precious time with your son and family!
Carlos That's great. We all need some spring cleaning once a while.
Journal...
I picked up my S last Friday. Wife and I talked may be 5 minutes. I can tell she was not comfortable seeing me in person. She was in the hurry mode to leave. That's OK, I understand. S and I are having a great time. We are having fun playing, shopping, eating at grandma....etc. We are just having a blast.
W and I remain friendly to each other, that's pretty much it. I guess we are at the friend stage. I believe OM is still the picture. When I look at her eyes during the exchange, she was just physically there, not her soul/mind. She couldn't even look at me in my eyes. That was kind of sad. I guess that's OK. There is nothing I can do until she decides to with different direction. I accept the cards that I dealt with. I will play my best with them.
My S is here and definitely keeps me busy....time just went by so quick.
Got to stay busy and one day at a time...
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
As always, your PMA comes through loud and clear - and it just sounds like you're making the most of every minute with your son...
Like you said, all you can do is accept what you've been dealt and move on...I've seen that same shell of a person in B a lot - and just don't even try to understand her anymore...since I don't think she even understands herself...I can love her, but I stop at the point where the love goes outward - and don't try to pull anything from her inwards toward me - she can't - and it would only pain me to wish for it...I guess I'm just writing something you already know...so, let's just keep moving on with our part of this journey, my friend.
I am glad to hear your son is keeping you busy. That is great. I agree with Carlos, I have seen the same behavior with my H, he's just not all there. It's like talking with a ghost.
You are right on track, there is no way to reach them when they are not all there. If they do not know themselves and have their own identities sorted, there really is no one to whom we can talk during this time.
Carlos and V Sometimes it's just sad to see out spouses are not all there, but again what else can we do for them.......absolutely nothing.
Carlos and Coach are so right. The way we focus on them sometimes are just wasted energy, mind as well use them on us to do something positive in our lives.
Coach has another great post today as usual....we got to love and take care of ourselves. Without doing this, we are in no position to take our love ones when needed.
I love how Carlos posted on his. 'Controlling is overrated'....that's so true. Instead of focusing on what outcomes that we want/need, just let them run through its natural path and accept the restult. Otherwise, the other person and us will just never learn.
All these being said, they are just so darn tough sometimes. I just need to retrain the brain, work in progress for life....
On the lighter note, I think I gain at least 10 pounds from all the food from past several days. I need to work extra hard at gym to keep my girly figure....LOL
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Hi NW, At least you gained 10 pounds off great food!
You're right about control - once we let go, just let the other person do what they have to do - we are also free to do what we have to do to improve ourselves as well.
It is hard to do all this - heck - it's hell sometimes - but, as you said, these lessons are lessons that stay with us as a work in progress for life.
Hi V and Carlso My GAL is still going pretty good. Son is here with me, so I have put some the GAL activities on hold until later. I want to spend as much time with him as possible. At least, I still manage heading down to the GYM. I probably will setup some more family gathering with him while he is here.
Journal.. W and I chatted on line yesterday. I haven't told her when I will bring S back to her. I was thinking coming Saturday. Next thing you know she asked me to keep him for another week. I was like 'Of Course 100%'. I was excited. Then she told me she is heading out of town this weekend and that's probably the reason why. It doesn't matter anyway. S is staying with me for another week, can't complain. I didn't even ask anything about her trip. I will just wish her have a good time before weekend.
Anyway.....now my boy is here and I am plenty busy enough.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Another week with you son...that's precious. I know it must be hard to hold back sometimes, not ask why and not attach yourself to what she is doing, saying, etc - but you have the right perspective - taking care of yourself - focusing on you and your son and letting her go. We lose what we cling to...to paraphrase from Buddha...
