Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, BG!

I'm doing good today. I am going out dancing with some friends tonight! Looking forward to that.

S17 is going to invite his girlfriend over for dinner tomorrow night. Maybe we'll go to a movie or something too.

H is going to a party at a co-workers house this weekend.....this is the one who wanted to fix H up with her sister immediately upon hearing we were seperated......

H is also going to a play in which his friend's wife is acting. This is a friend who H met through work and they have become best buds. H spends a lot of time with him, and I haven't even met him. As I understand it, this will be the first time H is meeting this guys wife. It's all part of H's "building his new life".

[dl443322]

HEY s, good for you for going dancing and hanging with your son and his gf.

Just a note from another of your posts. I also have just been diagnosed with sleep apnea. They havent told me yet what I need to do. We realy do have an awful lot in common. I am also on AD's. Be sure to tell your doctor if your depression isnt getting consistently better. It sometimes takes some time before you find the right meds and the right dosage.

And my h starting to build his new life also. Now that he is two hours away, he can party to his heart's content. He has no worries. I do all the bills, take care of the house, make sure son is ok - h, who knows?

They are all so pathetic in a way, (oops, did I say that out loud?) ya know? My h got his ear pierced and wears a huge diamond (meanwhile we are financially in ruins) and is dressing like a teenager - I mean, come on and grow up already.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, BM.

My H is moving away from teenage behavior, and has embraced the "successful single executive businessman" role. He has over 100 Jerry Garcia ties.

Have you ever watched "Boston Legal"? Well, that's H's favorite show, and like Denny Crane and Alan Shore at the end of each episode, H loves to sit and smoke a cigar and drink single malt scotch and contemplate what a magnificent man he is.

He makes a 6 figure salary and walks around feeling superior to the rest of the world. Never mind that his own daughter will not speak to him (and he doesn't even care).

And, in spite of the talk we had with S17 last week, he is back to talking about kicking S17 out again because he is still hanging out with the same friends that we feel are a bad influence, and we got a call from the automated attendance line at the school saying S17 wasn't there(although S17 insists he was....). H is so willing to just give up. And then he wonders why S17 doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do!!!!! DUH!!!

The man is just being an arrogant pompous jacka**......

[dl443322]

OMG, we are married to the same man! Pompous a** - check. large salary (not that big)- check. Doesnt want to see problems son is having - check. Just giving up son - check.

It just goes to show that there really is a pattern to these MLCers. Apparently arrogant a$$ is a symptom.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

just checking in....hope you all have a wonderful weekend! glad to hear your plans on dancing!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Yep, BM, it seems like we are leading parallel lives!!

And, thanks for checking in, ST! I hope to have fun this weekend.

[[[[[BM & ST]]]]]

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I think I may have backslid a little in some e-mails with H today. The communication started because of possible conflicts with the C schedule. But went into another area, and I'm not sure I did the right thing.....

After my talk with S17 yesterday and my short touch this morning, I feel comfortable talking with C about S17 and my interactions on Tuesday. You and S17 can have Thursday and I'll attent my All-staff meeting. If C feels strongly that I need to be there on Thursday as well I will consider then.

Do you still have a key to my apartment? If not you cannot get S17 in to clean the carpet. I can do it Sunday or Monday night. I can borrow a cleaner from here.

C seemed to really want a session with all three of us. Perhaps we can do that with the hour on Tuesday? And then S17 and I can each do an individual session on Thursday.......???

And, yes I think I do have a key to your apartment on my key ring. I have no problem helping you out. I know you are very busy. I just didn't appreciate your expecting me to do it, without having nicely asked me. Sometimes, H, you are just so brusk and distant in your manner, like you are petrified to even be nice to me because it will lead me on or something. There is really no reason to be that way. I'd like to see the happy, friendly, helpful man that you say you are at work!

Neither of us wants to hurt the other. We both genuinely care for each other. We each sincerely want happiness for ourselve and each other. So, there is no reason that I can see that we can't be friendly and kind toward each other.

Anyway, if you haven't done any of the other cleaning at your apartment, I can take over my cleaning caddy and go ahead and do that stuff too if you'd like (i.e. the kitchen floor, bathroom, wiping down walls, etc....). Let me know........

I have no problem with the Tuesday plan for all three. I am leery of S17 missing school........The other cleaning is done. I only need the carpet cleaned and the kitchen floor mopped. The rest is better than I found it.

The other stuff does tend to lead you on. I am tense because it feels awkward and I want space. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Well, I think that this is the last week of the semester isn't it? So I don't think missing school is a concern anymore.

As for "leading me on". I think that's just stupid. It's like "being cruel to be kind". It makes no sense. It's just plain hurtful and creates a lot more tension and hurt feelings than needs to be there. You create your own pain (and sometimes pain for others) by allowing your fears to rule you. But, that's just my humble opinion, of course.

You do whatever you feel you must.........

And I hope you enjoy your weekend too. I plan to have a lot of fun this weekend.......I'm going to dinner and dancing!! :-)

Take care.

So........I blew it didn't I? I shouldn't have even talked about his attitude in the first place.......and I should have validated his feeling awkward and his need for space.

So, should I send another e-mail to him telling him that I'm sorry for making him uncomfortable and that I understand his feeling awkward and needing space, and I'm sorry for being insensitive? Or should I just let it go......is it just more pushing to even do that?

I'M SO NOT WORTHY!!!!

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Silent)))))

I think that most times when we try to "fix" a slipup like that, we just draw more attention to it, and in the end make it worse. I think it is better to learn from it, and not repeat the mistake than to try for damage control.

[Babygirl]

I am gonna agree with jeff sweetie. we are human and hurting we are allowed to make slip ups!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Jeff, & BG.

Yes, I think your right......

It's funny.......I am really feeling much more detached from my H, and am having more anger, rather than pain, when I am around him. Or not so much anger, but annoyance at his attitudes. My C says this is a good thing, because it means I am letting go.

And when I sent those e-mails, I saw it as being straitforward and assertive about my feelings and I really didn't care if pushed him away some more or not.

I don't like the person he is right now and I don't like that there is so much tension when he's around. And the fact that he thinks I am so weak and needy as to grasp at any little crumbs of kindness he sends my way, frankly, pisses me off!

Although I know why he feels that way, given my history of making him the center of my whole universe.

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]