I too wish I had one close friend. I too feel the anxiety when meeting new people - hard to handle. I too self-medicate at times and kick myself in the morning for doing it.
So I will not tell you what you should do. We both have all the books. You know them as well as I do.
I just want you to know that you are not alone. I felt as bad as you do now many times. Times when I seriously considered checking out.
But like you, I did not. I will not give the situation that satisfaction. And my kids need me, as does yours (and not just for security).
Hang tight my friend. We are still on a rollercoaster. Things will get better for you.
How do I know? B/c you have the ability within yourself to make it so.
