So Hey Amy, sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we have no choice. none. And we are forced to 'do the right thing' even if it hurts. No sh*t, Frank.
And we're still alone. Still having to do what has to be done. Yeah well a lot of people just friggin do it without needing people to blow smoke up their ass repeatedly because they're doing it.
I'm not the only LBS who found themselves in these situation. Your husband (LBS) is lucky that he has you, who never asks for help and is capable of managing on her own. BUt that is rare. LOL - you think I don't ask for help? Jeff has helped me MANY times, not that I deserved it.
Yeah, I suck. I hurt, I escape.
And every morning I feel like shiit because of it. So stop friggin DOING it.
And my kids want their mom back. And they will learn to live with this and they will adjust so long as they are in a healthy environment that doesn't perpetuate the bullsh*t.
And none of this will happen. None of it. So. You think your kids are the first ones to endure a broken family? Do you think you are the first one who's wife didn't want to come back? LOOK AROUND HERE!! You will only find a few that didn't get off their ass and survive, or even prosper in spite of it.
See, we aren't the WAS who is looking for forgiveness. We're the LBS who won't be forgiven but are stuck with the pain and responsibility of our children. That statement is so loaded with BS my eyes just turned brown. "Wont be forgiven" - what a crock. WASs need more than just forgiveness of their LBS to make them want to come home. One, it has to be the desire of their own heart to save the marriage and two, the LBS has to change whatever has been determined needs to be changed. That's BARE BONES. Without BOTH of those things, nothing's happening. Of our WAS, of everything that went wrong. Because as MEN we are the only ones who can fix it. Not to restore our marriage, but because we have no choice. We MUST survive.
Perhaps this might be insightful, it may make you look at your husband and his life and see how HE has struggled to keep his house, and his sanity during these difficult times. I FULLY see how my husband has struggled and there isn't one time in the last 3 years that I have not been there for him and vice versa no matter the problem at hand.
Maybe I'm out of line, I don't know. Definitely but I am unlikely to hold a grudge for very long.
You're still one of my most loved friends.
Don't hit me until you examine where I'm at. Oh, I know where you're at, Frank. That's exactly why I nailed you.
I too wish I had one close friend. I too feel the anxiety when meeting new people - hard to handle. I too self-medicate at times and kick myself in the morning for doing it.
So I will not tell you what you should do. We both have all the books. You know them as well as I do.
I just want you to know that you are not alone. I felt as bad as you do now many times. Times when I seriously considered checking out.
But like you, I did not. I will not give the situation that satisfaction. And my kids need me, as does yours (and not just for security).
Hang tight my friend. We are still on a rollercoaster. Things will get better for you.
How do I know? B/c you have the ability within yourself to make it so.
Frank_D I'm posting as to let you know, YOUR posts helped me tremendously in the last two years.
I'm going to post to show you you do count, and people you don't even know exist have been helped, touched by you.
After I had the ILYBNILYWY in Jan 07 I went the same way as nearly everyone else on this board. We were together 20 years with two young children. By the March I was living in a house while the owners were away for three months. Like you I work at home most of the time.
One night March 07 I got drunk, kept playing my wife's and our song on the ipod, I stood at the edge of the road waiting to have the 'courage' to step infront of a lorry. I did nt, I rang my brother and broke down (this is hard to write) I'm 41 my brother rang my parents on holiday in Australia and they flew back immediately and helped me.
My point in telling you this is not for sympathy it's to show that everyone has crashed, I had / have a great career, was 'head' of the house with a wife and children but this caused me to completely breakdown and be reduced to nothing. With the help I had I am two years seperated, have a great relationship with my children and to think had I stepped out my children would be fatherless.
I know you don't have family to help you, I was lucky but I had to reach out to recieve help. Please reach out to whoever you can and let them help you whether on this board or in real life,
You don't need telling this but seeking help is strength as it shows you will not be beaten.
Take care Charlie
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Last night D18 came home from her friends house around midnight. I was up making something to eat. I had been drinking. I wasn't 'out there' but she could tell.
She got very upset and called her mother. STBX came over and D18 was crying and angry and STBX was angry and calling me a drunk and other stuff. I threw her adultery back at her and all the pain I've had to endure and we went back and forth. I told her to leave but she wouldn't. I could see that D18 was getting more upset so I went to my room so we wouldn't fight any more.
D18 gave her the letter she wrote which made STBX more upset.
This morning D18 was still upset and thought I hated her for calling her mother but I told her that wasn't the case. I told her that it was probably for the best because now I'm clear that it is over, and that I don't have a choice to not be 'sober dad'. We hugged and everyone feels better.
STBX called me this morning and said that she is moving back into the house this weekend so she can document any relapses I have and that I need to get into a program and she intends for me to move out.
Of course, she can't make me and I told her that it wasn't feasible financially. She said that nevertheless her intention is for me to eventually move out.
So, I have successfully destroyed my family for good. Didn't get help when I needed it. Just stayed in my box every day, hurting, medicating. I can say I wish I had had a wife who helped me but I didn't. Ironically, now that we're getting divorced is when she actually has the backbone to push me to get help.
Like I said, I'm a fraud and an addict. At least I am able to admit it. Sorry for disappointing everyone.
Well you better rethink that if she's moving back in this weekend because this is not the time to isolate yourself from the one source of release you might have that doesn't get your butt thrown in jail.
I told you this was going to happen.
I told you months ago.
If you stick around we can help you but you are going to have to keep it real with us and also get some REGULARLY SCHEDULED professional help.
Well I almost said fight, but I do not want to imply violence.
But yelling and screaming, and anger...oh yes anger. Putting it all out on the table, and not in a poor me sort of way. More of a F you sort of way. She's going to play this stupid card of hers, throw the deck into the air.
Just don't drink prior to it...or after it.
I understand that feeling totally, as long as you aren;t doing it because you are running away.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
