You said you USED to be a desired public speaker. What happened? What changed? Why the anxiety?
I became ashamed of the lies I was forced to tell for the 'new' company I sold mine to.
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Don't you see, Frank, you can be anything you want to be...you just have to believe in yourself! We all see the potential that you have! Yes, you made some mistakes, who hasn't? But, as my son likes to say, mistakes are learning experiences. You see them for what they are and you learn from them.
You don't know me, maybe I am a liar. Maybe I am a cheater. Maybe I am a bad dad. You want me to be someone who is awesome, so it validates everyones view of me. Maybe I don't deserve that.
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When my exH first left me, I thought I was going to die...seriously. I cannot tell you how many times I literally fell on the floor sobbing violently. I was a mess. But, you know what, Frank, I got through that. I survived! And you will, too! I got through my difficult time by leaning on my faith. I learned to trust myself and I learned to trust my God. And, HE has not let me down...not once!
I understand that. You are a believer. Your life worked out because of that.
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I don't want to preach to you, Frank. Friends are nice....they are great! But, if you have any beliefs at all in God, now is the time to lean on HIM. Pray like you have NEVER prayed before. Spend EVERY moment you have talking to HIM and praying to HIM. Get angry. Yell and scream at HIM if you need to...HE can handle it. Tell HIM your wants and desires. But, know that that doesn't mean you are going to get them all because only HE knows what is truly best for you...only HE knows what is waiting for you.
You aren't preaching. I'm just challenged by your ideas. I've always been living my life KNOWING that there is nobody who will help me. Ever. That is who I am.
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I was so sad just now when I read your response to Bworl and your final comment was "Leave me alone". Please, tell me...was that directed at him or at all of us? You are so wrong if you think no one gives a sh$t about you!
All of you. Not Bill. He's a good man.
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Frank, you know I dealt with the alcohol issues in my past marriage. My children dealt with it, too. It only hurts, Frank, it does NOT help! You're right....your children need a dad...and that is YOU!
Yeah, and it sucks that it took this long to get me to see it. I get it now. Probably to late.
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Now, I have to go to bed...I have to go to work in the morning. I will be saying a prayer for you, Frank. I'm sorry if my post has offended you, but when I read your response to Bworl, I could not not post to you. I don't want to see you leave the boards, but no matter what you decide, I wish for you nothing but the best. deb
Thanks for the prayer. I am too much of a hypocrit to stay here. I don't help anyone and I don't help myself.
I don't have any local friends. I'm pretty much a 'giver' and get nothing back in return.
So, bye for now. Don't take me personally. The sad part is that if I was dead, my daughters would be in poverty. Their mother could never keep them in a good home like I could.
