Frank, I know you are hurting right now and I am so very sorry about that. I don't think there is one person here on these boards that has not felt the pain you are feeling. But, Frank, you are mistaken when you say you don't have any friends. Sure, we may not be there with you in person, but we are HERE with you. And, more than anything, we want to help you! We want to help you through this difficult time. We all know you can get through this. The occasional 2X4's have not been to hurt you...they have been to help you. To help you see things from a different perspective. Sometimes when we are in the middle of a crisis, it is hard for us to see what is right in front of us...to see what others on the outside are able to see.
You said you USED to be a desired public speaker. What happened? What changed? Why the anxiety? Don't you see, Frank, you can be anything you want to be...you just have to believe in yourself! We all see the potential that you have! Yes, you made some mistakes, who hasn't? But, as my son likes to say, mistakes are learning experiences. You see them for what they are and you learn from them.
When my exH first left me, I thought I was going to die...seriously. I cannot tell you how many times I literally fell on the floor sobbing violently. I was a mess. But, you know what, Frank, I got through that. I survived! And you will, too! I got through my difficult time by leaning on my faith. I learned to trust myself and I learned to trust my God. And, HE has not let me down...not once!
I don't want to preach to you, Frank. Friends are nice....they are great! But, if you have any beliefs at all in God, now is the time to lean on HIM. Pray like you have NEVER prayed before. Spend EVERY moment you have talking to HIM and praying to HIM. Get angry. Yell and scream at HIM if you need to...HE can handle it. Tell HIM your wants and desires. But, know that that doesn't mean you are going to get them all because only HE knows what is truly best for you...only HE knows what is waiting for you.
I am glad that you have Ian...he's a great person! But, you are mistaken if you think he is your ONLY friend.
I was so sad just now when I read your response to Bworl and your final comment was "Leave me alone". Please, tell me...was that directed at him or at all of us? You are so wrong if you think no one gives a sh$t about you!
Frank, you know I dealt with the alcohol issues in my past marriage. My children dealt with it, too. It only hurts, Frank, it does NOT help! You're right....your children need a dad...and that is YOU!
Now, I have to go to bed...I have to go to work in the morning. I will be saying a prayer for you, Frank. I'm sorry if my post has offended you, but when I read your response to Bworl, I could not not post to you. I don't want to see you leave the boards, but no matter what you decide, I wish for you nothing but the best.
