Not sure how much medicating you've been doing, but given the history, any drinking is probably a less than stellar idea right now. I assume you realize this now.
Yes I do. Crystal clear.
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As for friends, I know many have posted here over the past year urging you to get out and form a social circle of some kind. I get that this might be tough for you, but you have got to do this is some way, shape, or form.
I get this, but you know what? I just can't do it. The anxiety I feel when I think of it overwhelms me.
What sucks is that I USED to be a desired public speaker once upon a time. Now I live in anxiety. WTF? I'm still 'me'. But I'm not.
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You know doggoned well that this site is MORE than just busting divorces. Especially for those of us who have been here for awhile. I sure hope it's not true that no one here can help you. That would be really sad.
You're right. I'm just not able to fix me alone. I need friends right now. I don't have them.
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It's good that you were able to come clean so to speak. Now we know. Now we can help from a position of knowledge. And if we can't be straight with each other here on this relatively anonymous board, what chance do we have of being honest with a real person in our lives?
'Straight?' doesn't include abuse. No. Everyone says how many people I have 'helped' over the years and I'm proud of that. Really.
I am glad so many people heard my words and were able to fix their lives.
I'm a 'fixer'. I can see others issues and give them insight. I am intuitive.
My life is not quite the same. I NEED personal support. I've never asked for it because I have never believed anyone else gave a sh*t about me.
I've gone through too much pain and abandonment this past year. things I was not built to withstand. I'm a survivor, but this is not what I was built to survive.
Still, I'm alone. AmyC was pretty clear about that 'get your sh&&t together'. She's right, that's what 'men' do.
[quote]Yeah, it sucks. It also is what it is. And you are definitely man enough to navigate your way through it. quote] eventually
As I see it, I'm alone, the DB board is ok, but it won't save me. Nobody will. I don't 'practice what I preach'. so shame on me.
I'm off the board. This is not helping me or those who 'depend' on me to believe in their own success.
I need a friend.
My kids need Dad.
I can do one of those things.
Ian called me tonight. I made him promise to call me earlier tomorrow so we could talk before I was depressed.
I have one friend. Not local but at least he cares.
