Standing on the Edge

[native]

Thanks Msm again, for your encouraging words.

I have been AWOL for the past few days. The mortgage is coming due and work has been slow. Been praying a bit more and now it looks like work is lining up on the horizon.

It is hard playing this waiting game. I have been focusing on my career though, and I feel excited about where that seems to be going.

W just went through 'hell week' at work, so we haven't heard much from her.

I recently had a bit of a falling out with a buisness parter and his attitude and anger made me see myself and other LBS's in a new light.

Though it isn't exactly the same, there are paralells. I have been trying to tell this guy for some time that I had to move on in order to continue to support myself. He did not seem to have my best interests in mind, so on and so forth.

I haven't been actively working with him for months. He hasn't called me, did not get back in touch about some information we were supposed to discuss.....seemed busy taking care of himself.

Then, he sees me at a marketing meeting with a potential competitor and is suddenly talking with me, making plans, ready to roll....

Now I see him hurt and angry and feeling betrayed and I can see things from the WAS perspective.

What do I see ?

- That I already told him long ago ( and have been trying for some time) what I needed and he ignored or was not able to provide it in the buisness partnership.
- That his shock and anger and feeling of betrayal only echos my own sense of not being considered and he seems only concerned with what is happening to him.
- That the expression of his negative emotion is uncomfortable and I don't want to deal with it.

Looking at things from this perspective makes me wonder how detached my W was when she finally dropped the bomb. That she had already stepped away from a situation that was hurting her, that I seemed to bug her with my efforts to re-connect....

Its very weird. Because I don't see myself as a person someone would be repulsed by, which is how I feel somewhat to this buisness partner who routinely put the strong arm on me, and may have stolen commissions due me.

But I am sure the sense of detachment and desire to get away from the emotion is similar to what she felt.