LOL - gee bridge, looks like whatever you are reading is too steamy!
More confusion today. I'm pretty much over it and have moved on but thought I'd journal a bit.
XW called re: interspousal transfer of house deed. Wanted to do it tonight. Then called back and said tomorrow night. Then sent an email apologizing for getting ahead of herself. Not sure why but just that brief bit of interaction brought all this emotion that I'd thought was long gone gurgling up again.
A) I can't for the life of me believe she's really going through with buying the house. I know how much she makes, I know how much the estimated value of the house has dropped, I know what the mortgage payments and property taxes add up to, and I know how long it's going to take before the house value comes back. If it does, she'll be sitting pretty, but in the meantime I have no idea how she's going to make it. Actually I do - her parents. Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to worry about making it on your own? Your parents always swooped in and financed whatever situation you happened to find yourself in? Anyway, not my deal to worry about.
B) Talked to a close friend who has professional dealings with XW. Mentioned before that XW had also been breaking into tears in front of friend. Well, XW broke into tears AGAIN just a couple of days ago. While with new BF. And a few days before that, XW had sent me a song she thought I'd like.
WTF? Friend says XW is really messed up and has no idea what she wants or how to figure it out. Around me, XW is all steely resolve and "I'm so happy now". Confusing. I hate how much it bugs me but it does. I pledged my heart to this woman for a lifetime and now it's like she's a total stranger. We've been separated a year, divorced 3 months and she's already on her second relationship. WTF?!
I don't want to dwell on this because I'm trying hard to move on. Just sometimes find myself shaking my head. And am glad that I recognize that NOBODY wants to be in a relationship with me right now! LOL. And that's fine. Men are dogs - we need to go lick our wounds a bit until they heal and then we're ready to play.
In some ways I think it might be easier for guys because I think it's easier for us to forget. When I'm ready to start dating again, you can guarantee that I won't be crying around friends of XW or sending her songs I think she'd like.
In the meantime, feeling down again. A bit. Trying to ignore it and move on with life. Still. You guys know how I feel. Like a failure.
