Thinking long and hard about what you said. The feeling that I got wasn't me, it wasn't a feeling of her coming back or some connection, it was a feeling of letting her release, letting her tell me tings, letting her start to open. My rage would have cut her quick, tell her I had to go. but you still maybe right and I am at a point now where one mistake could undo me, so keep a close eye.

something happened tonight that I diod not expect. W called from D29's house. D17 thought it was her sister so she gave me the phone, it was w. she said hello and I had to do a double take, still don't recognize her voice, talk about being dark,. she asked if D17 was home and saifd yes and before I could say hold on, I'll get her, she started in with " so how was her first day at this program, duid she like it, what did she have to say?" I told her she liked it but it was only one day, "Oh, did she know anyone, make any friends, how were the classes, does she know the teachers." she asked how she is, her demeanor I said a little beter than before. then she asked if I got a hold of my son and D21 about coming ove saturday for a family get together. I told her I told D21 and would call son. she said good, Nana just wants family around her, she is very excited to see you, too bad you couldn't come over now.

I let her talk to me and ask questions, answered what i could and told her I'd get D17. she said OK, talk to you later. Huh????!!!!

Amy, i said yesterday that I felt i thought I made her feel really at ease, and she seemed to be, now she is calling me about all this, not D29, not the Nana, W??!! I am surprised, a little, but the call was very nice and cordial, Road paved and clear so to speak. Again, no expectations, could be a show for her mother, showing her we get along and what not, doubt it, D29 has clued int he Nana...And trust me, Me and D29 are tight and we don't talk about it, but she looks in my eyes when i talk and sees it...

Again, i was sounding very indifferent, not happy, not upset, not angry, not mad, not emotional at all. i was more interested in hearing her talk. I think she meant for D17 to answer, bvut He works in myusterious ways. Again, I do not take this as a sign, but once again, I felt better. I actually felt better. I was just about to fall asleep on the couch when she called, after that i went to the gym for an hour and a half and really got it going...

Yeah, maybe not so much thru His eyes and thru His heart, but something is different, about how I feel. I know you don't think it is thru him, maybe it is thru me and maybe He is wanting it this way, for her to see him, but thru me. does that make sense.

Anyway, feel good again, not emotional, no feeling, not covering my bed with rose petals, but something is different...