Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

Yes, disengaging is easier said than done, and detaching is even more difficult because, as AmyC wrote, detaching isn't something you do, it's an emotional place you arrive at with the help of your disengaging.

As I said in my previous post, I am starting to be successful in disengaging and NOT allowing my XW see my emotional turmoil caused from my interaction with her, but even doing that doesn't eliminate the frustration caused by my disappointment from my unmet expectations that results in my anger towards her (that I do not express to her) and myself that I absolutely do express towards myself. I am trusting that DOING what I need to do to disengage will help me to grow emotionally stronger and eventually detach.

I have also heard here that NO reconciliation is even possible until I let go of her. As phoenixdeux said, letting go is not giving up, its just releasing the expectation that reconciliation WILL occur and living my life accordingly, going forward with plans as a single father so that I do not waste more of my precious stuck in pause and/or trying to fix a M or XW that I simply am completely unable to fix. I do realize that I have the ability to fix one person here on earth, and that is me, with the help of my Lord and Savior. I also have the ability to greatly influence my two children's lives and help them both to become happy, healthy and whole...and that starts by being an example in being happy, health and whole, from which being well-rounded and well-adjusted is a natural outgrowth.

Thanks for the encouragement that what I write here about my sitch and my views is a good read for you. Hopefully my travails are a good read for other as well. We are all in this together, so walk with me because together, we share a cosmic strength to keep on keepin' on for ourselves and our loved ones. I'll keep posting because reading posts and posting myself is therapeutic for me. Take care. I wish you well. Remember to focus on YOU rather than your X.