Rebuilding trust - what are reasonable requests?

[EnergyAZ]

I agree that I would rather get the full truths of the matter now rather than years down the line.

She is NOT open with me, at least, not the way she used to be. If I dont ask, she wont tell. And if I do ask, she is very vague in her replies. I have to dig and pry (which I hate having to do) and obviously, she isnt too receptive to that either.

And she is living out of the house so I dont see her as much as I would like. Yes, we are freely talking about her moving back home...but even then, I am struggling to regain the peace of mind I had in the past.

Yes, she could circumvent every attempt I make to contact the OM. She will NOT be honest about her feelings for him with me. Only says 'just friends' well I have a lot of female friends and we behave differently.

Yes, my requests do seem petty and childish. But she seems to understand where I am coming from and is being cooperative because she doesnt want this hanging over her head forever. The sooner I can get through this and trust her fully again - the better we both will be.

She has easily dropped the other guys she was flirting with. But the EA/PA OM? No clue. No faith in anything she has to say to me about him.

I have a LONG way to go in regards to the OM. I have his contact info and its all I can do not to use it.

I have made so many improvements for myself, but when I think of the OM I am filled with a level of hatred I have never felt and it makes me realize how imperfect I am.

I confronted OM in the past, and did so with dignity and respect. I acknowledged problems in my marriage, reitterated love for my W and asked him to honor and respect my family until (if/when) divorce was finalized. Well he obviously ignored my request and that broke a massive 'man code' as far as I am concerned. Now I will not take higher ground if this man is unfortunate enough to cross my path. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate this person and I am fearful of the things I could be capable of.