I was thinking at lunch about how we approach our wives.Everytime we pursue, push , talk about the relationship, we are making them think about why they want to remove us from their lives.They take a step forward, the more we push, the more forward they move. My case is a perfect example of how this works.When I bring up anything concerning divorce or any aspect of our situation, my wife will move forward, maybe only a step or two , but she does move forward.
When I leave her alone, and I mean leave her alone, she stops thinking about us and she just lives her life.Once in awhile she will cycle around and talk about the situation on her own. That is the exception and not the rule.As long as I don't remind her of the negative side of the relationship she just goes on about life without much change. I know all spouses are different, but I thought I would throw that out.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
So far, so good...W arrived home, nothing mentioned as yet. Family had Dinner, after dinner we were alone, clearing the table and nothing brought up. Some small talk, but nothing else. She hasn't put her ring back on... I hope your right Craig54.
It is so hard to not want to use logic in talking with your W. I did the same thing where I would back off for a week and then try to ask her how she felt about our marriage. Pursuing and talking about the R did not work.
You just need to detach and let go. Hopefully she is just going through a walk away wife stage in her life and is not seeing anyone else. Your M can be saved, and you just need to back off and make yourself and your son happy for now.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
I have to agree Ron. The ring is symbolic of something she is not feeling right now. The thing is that she needs the chance to get through this. If you give her the space, the time, and show kindness without being overbearing, she will remember...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I hope your right. I know it bothers me right now, but I have to detach. I can't figure why, if she is so miserable with me, she hasn't filed for The D herself yet ?
Because that would be making a definitive decision.
She's not living in the land of definitive decisions right now, despite how she might speak to you.
She's living in the land of "what have you done for me lately, life?"
Maybe she'll want to come back at some point. Maybe she'll lose her new place, the new people in her life. Maybe she'll find out that she's not quite done with you.
In her current state, divorce is a threat to push you away.
I think I can count on one hand the number of stories I've read here where it was threatened and actually acted on in anything resembling a timely fashion.
If you continue to seek ANY kind of reassurance from her to use as the strength to get through another day, you will drop like a rock quickly.
She's not in the business of reassuring you. She's not concerned even one iota for your current state. Remember: YOU are the problem. YOU are what she needs to get away from.
We just can't seem to make you understand that this part of the process is one that you have to find a way to survive. You are NOT in the stage where you are going to see positive, heartwarming results from efforts on your part. Your job right now is to care and nurture YOURSELF, and get to work on making things better INSIDE YOU.
You should be trying to tread water, but in a positive way. Try to keep yourself from drowning in the drama and sense of loss. Weathering these storms, keeping yourself strong, learning how to become a strong, confident man again...these are the things that prepare you, protect you, and make it possible for you to win the endgame, if it ever gets to that.
We are not insane. We are not treating every situation the same, without regards to you as a person. There are MANY similarities in these situations, and the dangers are fairly universal. We are trying to get you focused and strong enough that you can ultimately win this battle, if it turns out to be a win-able one.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Brace yourself, it will get worse. That is why it is so important to get a life seperate from all the drama.Work on you.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
