Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So now you have an understanding of why you don't have 'relationship' talks.
You are aware of all the wrong things you did, at least you say that you are. Are you going to learn from this in the future?
Have you come to realize that you and your wife are not unique, that you aren't going to discover a secret quick fix that no one else here has found?
Needless to say I understand the feeling hopelessness after making mistake after mistake and not seeming to be able to stop myself from opening my stupid mouth.
Everything that just happened was either something you learn from and do not repeat, or you don't learn from and well, kind of pointless then.
You have hit just about every trap we have tried to warn you about, and now you see why we were warning you.
Quote:
I still love you but , I know you don't want to hear this.
Nice use of guilt.
The word 'but' is just an excuse to invalidate everything that came before it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Is your marriage important enough to you to actually STFU? Not pressure her, work on yourself, fill the time it takes for your wife to come around?
This is hard, this is so damn hard, most guys cannot do it. Our gender traits are stacked against us, but I think you can if you wise up really quickly.
Stop saying 'but' in your head as a reason you think you have to do something.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ral, Jack was pretty nice this time around, in the beginning, when I screwed up, COG drove me into the ground with his 4x8, I used to 6' tall, now I am only 5'8"!!. Jack is correct in that most men cannot pull this off. It takes alot of self control, patience and time.You have to get it out of your head that you can have any control on what she does or says or you being able to help her through it. You can't. Stop trying. NO more excuses, get to work on you, this will make it easier.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Stop saying 'but' in your head as a reason you think you have to do something.
When you know that the something is wrong, or not good.
If you knee jerk respond, then you should be counting to 10 before everything you say to her, and evalute what you hope to accomplish in the conversation.
She is saying she is numb. She is highly likely being honest. My wife said that to me. Cold, numb, unemotional, dettached.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Now do you see what I mean when I say that we begin to repulse our spouses.
As I said before, your story is following very familiar and similar lines to mine.
I would suggest that she will begin to refrain from talking to you, unless absolutely necessary, perhaps even talking in Neanderthal grunts, and start clinging to the edge of the bed.
Oh! and start recoiling when you come in contact, as if you carried the plague or were a thousand degrees.
She will make moves to move out of the bedroom. My advice, let her, if space allows, make another room for her, but dont, I repeat DONT, do the gentlemanly thing and move out yourself.
It is her crisis, let her feel the brunt of it.
Unfortunately, I did and lived in an unheated attic for a further 2 years.
