WAW - yet another one

[confusedinpa]

On Jan 9th my wife of 8+ years told me she filed for divorce. That was after a year of ineffective counseling (I told the counselor and he was surprised as he thought we were doing so much better - idiot!).

My wife was surprised to hear I did not want a divorce. She was prepared to move out but is staying while she is considering the fact that I wanted to work on the marrriage.

It took about a week for me to get a better handle on my "panic" - plenty of hallmark moments and campaigning to stay together (everything you're not suppose to do). She basically told me 1/18 that dealing with the hallmark momoments and capaigning is adding stress/pressure on her that she is too tired to deal with. She said that this was a decision she needs to make and not a single thing I do or say will make it just happen.

This week, we've been spending more time after the kids go to be (6 year old and a 2 year old), relaxing - talking about things other than the relationship. We've also be exchanging playful emails throughout the day. Last nite, we were relaxing and I had thought that she wanted to "really" kiss - not just the peck. We did and wound up going upstairs.

We continued to kiss and get into it when she suddenly broke down crying. She said that she is trying to hard to find the feelings again, but she just can't since she is so angry at me that I hurt her (she feels I've ignored her and made her feel unimportant for the past 7 years). I told her that I want to be there for her to help her get past the pain/hurt, but she said that she is struggling with that as I was the one who hurt her so bad.

She fell asleep shortly afterwards.

This morning, we didn't really talk about it, but I had called her (which I'm sure is a bad move) to see how she felt. I told here that I knew she was upset last nite and I was just wanted to know how she felt. I promised her a relaxing evening tonite where we won't talk about it.

So, how bad did I screw up? Is it beyond hope? Any insight will really be appreciated.