Hello, I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I am paranoid about posting on my own. I have a few questions because there are so many similarities between my situation and yours and would love to hear others thoughts.
What are we to do when, as you mentioned, they throw just enough crumbs out there to keep us dangling, but yet, no real progress is being made? My H says we are making "progress" yet he goes home to his own place every Sunday night and stays there through Wed-Thursday. During that time, our contact is extremely limited if not non-existent. No phone calls during the day, only talking if we absolutely have to. So he gets to live the single life 3-4 days a week and "play" family the rest. What is up with that? How in the world is that working on "us?" He says he's not ready to move back home because he thinks we aren't ready for that step and it sounds logical, but I feel us drifting farther apart, rather than getting closer through this arrangement. Because it seems to me the time apart serves to just drive us further apart and the time together brings us closer, but then he goes "away" and the cycle just starts over again. So no real steps towards reconciliation that I can see.
Is there a way to actually "detach" without completely letting go? I am really tired of feeling like I am doing all of the work in this R (I know so many here are too and have been at this much longer.) I am finding myself purposely not answering the phone or responding to texts. H does it to me all of the time and it HURTS. Why in the world if you are working on things with your W, would you not at least respond to a casual text? I am really feeling the need to detach myself, but I don't want to completely give up either? Has anybody successfully done this? How?
How to bridge the gap when both H and W have two very different idea of what it means to be working on things? I am sure my H thinks that by hanging out together we are working on this marriage. But we almost never talk about issues and he's seriously keeping me at arm's length. How can I get him to tear down the walls he's built up?
I believe my H is still having contact with another female (don't think she's OW yet), yet I have no hard core proof. The evidence is pretty good though. I find I am unable to address this directly with him, if there is one iota of a chance that I could be misconstruing things (unfortunately she's a person he could be legitimately having contact with although not as much as it appears he is (and I know they are good friends also). Unless caught in the act red-handed he has always been able to worm his way out and twist things around on me and make me out to be the bad guy. So how in the world can I address this? Without hard core proof? I already told him I am not comfortable with his hanging out with her and he agreed, but as far as I know they are still talking, plus I think he's seeing her in the "professional sense". And I know in his mind, that is perfectly acceptable and he will just make me out to be the bad guy.
How can a couple in this position possibly get on the same path?
Again, H4us, I am sorry to hijack. I just saw the comment about your W throwing out just enough to keep you dangling and I had to jump on here because it appears my H is doing the same thing. I really want to break this cycle. Thanks.
