Yes pity is not a good word, but it was how I felt. And you know, tinking about all of your words, maybe I was looking at her through His eyes. I saw her pain, I saw her confusion, that is why I just let her talk, let her get some things out because it sounded to me like she wanted to. There was no me in the conversation other than my comment to her about the note and her mail I brought to her when I picked up D17 that night. That is what I meant by looking at her angeliically. Last night I was thinking how small she looked to me while she was talking, like I was taller or something. In my dreams she appears smaller to me also, this all dawned on me last night.
I looked at her not as my W, not as a bad person, but as someone who really is lost, who is in pain. And I let it be that way. I looked at her without emotion or feeling, but as someone lloking into her soul, I tried looking into her eyes, but she wouldn't hold her head up. Still feel good abotu how yestrday went, mostly because it has not set off a range of emotional garbage thru me. Still have the rage, still walking....didn't sleep well last night, the image of me lookingdown at her, We are almost the same height but the image has me almost to the ceiling looking down, like I would be to a small child. And in my dreams she appears smaller to me. Thats gotta mean something, maybe it is me just looking at her thru gods eyes...
