I want to cut and paste all your posts into a word doc and haul it around with me everywhere. That would make me feel good!! Today he wanted to start off emailing again and it went two rounds before I finally said "We are all fine. Thank you for asking. Have a good day!" Personally, I would have stopped there if I had received he but he was nice and sent one back that just said "You too." Of course I didn't respond. Earlier he had said that he wants to be able to ask about D4 in the mornings and at night. It just seems excessive to me. I think tomorrow I will tell him that if he wants to check on her, he needs to call and talk to HER, not text ME. He is putting me in the loop when it is not as necessary as he makes it.
I felt like I let go of most of the anger when I wrote the letter. When I put the success or failure of this marriage on his shoulders, my anger dissipated a great deal.
As for D4, she acts oblivious. She is a very happy and mostly well adjusted child, when she is just being herself.
LMAO over your responses to tell him "Do you mean am I okay with that!??" I prolly won't use the last bit, but I will be totally muttering it under my breath. But the responses give me a good idea for a script to have in place so that I don't even have to be shell-shocked for a moment.
My parents. I don't even know where to start about how they were. Dad never got home before 7pm and was gone before I got up at 6:30am. Farmer's life. He would come home and take off his boots. Mom would finish up supper and deliver it to either the table or his chair in the living room. A glass of tea was put in his hands almost upon entry to the house. We gave up 1/2 days every Saturday and sometimes more. Sundays were the only days we had for sure, and sometimes we lost those mornings, too. I don't remember them ever arguing although I am sure they did. They prolly just never did it in front of me. They loved me a lot. I knew that. I still know that. I saw her give a lot (Acts of Service). I saw him provide an income, although she worked, too. She loves him like there is no tomorrow. If/when something happens to him (it has been 20 years since quadruple bypass surgery) I don't expect her to make it 6 months without him. They are 59 this year. He would remarry within a year or two if something happened to her. It's not that he doesn't love her. He does, a lot, by his own admission. It's just her. She won't come visit me (9 hours away, closest we have ever lived. being military, i know you know how CLOSE this really is) because she can't be away from him for more than 1 night, by her own admission. She just doesn't want to be.
I guess I just never saw them interract very much, now that I think about it. What I mean is, by the time he didn't get home til 7 and I was in bed by 9, how much time am I really witnessing other than those two hours a day? When we went on vacation, it was always about what they wanted to do, never about me or all of us as a family. We went to the coast so they could go fishing on the boat and I was dang lucky if they took me to the beach for one afternoon out of the seven days. An amusement park??? lmao at the mere suggestion of it. didn't happen. so maybe that's part of where i get my everyone else first and me last beliefs. it's easy to see. i went to school (college) where they wanted me to go, not where i wanted to go. you may be on to something. ugh. something else to think about and dissect.
Okay. I am off to continue reading about how i am codependent. Interesting reading, anyway. Thank you so much for your insight and feelings. J, you validate how I feel very well, even the things I don't say. It's amazing. Wish I knew how to cultivate better insight in myself and see things for what they really are instead of just accepting the exterior presentation. I really was very sheltered in many ways growing up.
Thank you again for the response.
Mel
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
