Veronica, Sometimes it seems that DBers walk parallel paths...I have been thinking so much about my fears these last few days - and realizing just to what extend my fears have been freezing me and harming my capacity to see beyond this pain...and so I've been taking some time to accept the pain and the fears - and I've been giving myself the space from those fears so that I can step forward and tackle them.
B'd dad's comments were really not surprising - and they did affect me because they just drove home the fact that all of this is out of my control - and that I have A LOT of stuff to change in my life. Being phased out of their life doesn't bother me that much - in that I don't mind being away from their toxicity - but the nerve it hit to hear that I am no longer married to B was the awareness that as my situation becomes public to strangers it also becomes more real - and so too does the need to change a lot of things in my life...things that I had neglected to change or work on for many years...and now I have to step up and become a better man...I just never expected that it would take a tempest of this magnitude to wake me from my slumber - and just like any threat that comes in the middle of the night - this tempest terrified me at first - but no I can see better through this darkness...and I know that I am not at fault for this storm and I also realize and accept that I have got to rebuild whatever gets destroyed...and I can.
