out of respect

[Sugar and Spice]

AlexJ,

I actually found some of what you had to say helpful, in that I had not considered my situation from your point of view. However, your broad based analysis of everyone here as mal-adjusted and unstable is narrow minded and also fairly offensive.

I can only speak for myself here. I am 50% to blame for the decline of my M and the issues that it had. However, the decision to have an A was solely made by my H and the OW. I was never consulted and the ensuing pain and grief that their actions have caused not only myself, but my children have been monumental. I cannot and will not take any of that burden upon myself. Nor do I feel somehow that by being the responsible parent and primary custodian of our children while my H was working out of town and getting deeper and deeper into his gambling addiction is somehow something that I should be made to feel bad about. Being part of a team often means that one steps up where the other can't...that is what I did. I didn't sit and whine about him being gone all the time, that was the nature of his job. I did what any partner would do and did what had to be done. Did this cause resentments to build up between us? Yes. Did we address them? No, we just did what we had to do and built walls up where windows should have been.

I come here to vent my frustrations, get advice, give advice, rejoice in people's successes and lament their failures. The wonderful people on this site have helped me through many of my darkest days and more often than not, I got the truth given to me...whether I wanted to read it or not.

I'm not telling you that what you are saying is wrong, you are entitled to your opinion, just realize that there are people that don't agree and feel like they are being attacked for trying to do what they feel is right. I feel that the vast majority of people that are here are trying to look within themselves to see what went wrong and make the changes that they need. It is a process and everyone is on their own timeline with it. What works for some, may not work for me, etc... We all have to make our own way, but the insight provided by the posters here has helped me in more ways than I can count. To come here and tell people that they are not well adjusted and unstable is certain to garner a response, but not neccessarily the one that you had in mind.