I don't know what I'm going to do right now. My Sister has offered to help me out bu thate being indebted to people, but this time I don't seem to have much choice.
I also don't want to rip the boys from their schools ahlf way throught the year either and screw their lives up even more.
FIL is not returning my calls, just goes through BIL that he wants cash. I'd like to talk to him about staying with a reduced rent as he offered, but he seems to have some deal goig on with the "house-mate" whom also has done is best efforts to avoid me.
Guess I'm looking into apartments this afternoon and see what I can do. I also have to contact my insuracne company as S10 says she did something on the phone with my social security info.
At this point right now, I'm either going to have to take my sister up on her offer or file my taxes the momoent I get them o get out of this mess. No doubt I'm going to get a 'threat letter' from the electric company in a few days here so I have to factor that in. Don't even know how much money I reeally have on hand as when the was tackling me in the kitchen, I threw my wallet to my friend to who was helping me pack and all my recpeipts flew out everywhere so I don't know what I have uncounted for at the moment.
Best option is to stay in the house right now it seems, dunno.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Where does your sister live, close by? No one wants to be indept to anyone. Family is not owing, you need to contact them and see if they can pony up some help. I feel for you man, I really do...
Nah, she's clear up on the far north side of Chicago whereas I'm in the near western suburbs. Just sent her a email since we were supposed to talk some more ysterday but never got the chance.
I feel bad becasue she's always 'bailing' our mother out who never shows any gratitude for it.
Just blows, just when things are looking up, everything jsut comes tumbling down, hardcore.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I had heard from someone on this site that just when things seemed to get better, everyting crashed and it crashed becase the WAS crashed, big time. After a few days whn the smoke cleared things ironed out. I doubt it was at your level. Much like a hurricane, it is the calm befor ethe storm. Well you just had them.
I am sure FIL is pissed cause you had the cops drag her ass away, I am sure he went to the roomies and offered a deal just so you could get bounced. That is my 2c.
You definitely need to get to someplace that , A. You can afford, and B is out of these peoples view. The only way you are going to survive is to get out of Dodge. I don't have that problem, she walked, I have all the bills and the bank owns my house. She is not the banks favorite person right now. I have had thoughts of dumping my house and living a little smaller, but this is going to be my retirement. So I am doing what I have to do.
You need to lose her number and only contact her regarding the kids, and for 20 days you don't have to worry about it. Its hard I am where you are and I deal with everything asquare on the chin. It has made me harder and more focused on my lifestyle and where I spend my money. You will survive this, I just feel for you when you getting all the best of signs and then,. bam, next round...Keep you r chin up, you are who you are and these types of things define you, they don't break you.
I highly doubt things will be better 'after the smoke clears'.
Didn't have her arrested, just a Order of Protection filed to keep her away from me and out of the house, NO CONTACT is allowed, and unfortunately, since the event occured directly in front of the children, she is not allowed visitation of them until the hearing for her actions of domestic violence.
As far as I'm concerned, that was the final straw for us, she's gone fruther than the Starship Enterprise where noone has gone before and lost it. She was always the 'in your face type' when it came down to heated arguements and now she just simply shows no control of her actions and if she went that nuts on me, I kringe to think of what could happen to the kids.
FIL and I are going to have to have a serious talk because now, he's not only 'bouncing me' but his grandkids that I highly doubt he would do. He's always said he wants to 'stay out of it' but this time there's no choice. Even if I did leave, she MAY NOT enter the house, period, end of story, if she sets foot on the proerty, JAIL, text message, JAIL, phone call, JAIL.
I don't know, it's a really messed up situation now. Hopefully we'll talk, and he'll reduce the payment immeditaly. I have zero lee-way with the electric company from how bad she handled it over the years.
I'm done giving this woman chances to make ammends with herself and the situation only to come back and try and burn me over somehow as each time it gets worse and worse.
I could still in theory go out by my cousin, whom I talked to and commute by car back and forth, but haven't figured out what to do with them after school yet. Again, one big mess and the clock is ticking and groceries need to be bought and it's only going to get worse. I've pretty much figured I'm going to to have to file my taxes serperately and claim them ASAP or get a personal loan, that's the only viable opions right now.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
DDay - thank you for your support after I had been banned. Keep your head on straight and lay down your pride when it comes to accepting help. It's not like people are offering to prop YOU up. They're offering for the sake of the kids. Take 'em up on it. Otherwise you never know, you might be stepping in the way of a blessing that is intended for those who would help you and you wouldn't want to do that would you? Just a thought...
I'm very glad that you acted as you did during the fiasco that went on the other night. The kids have needed you to do that.
Situation wise, I just simply don't know what to do. My sister initially offered to help and reneged. I don't trust the 'renter' for anything that he will square up tomorrow on what he owes. FIL made a big stink over the check, so I left work early and pulled cash from my account which he never picked up after having the boys out late last night and S10 had a boatload of make up home work to do, so now I have more 'sweet talking' to do with the school.
Options are slim to none right now. Only possibility is a friend who stayed with me a while in the summer after W left is coming back into town and is serious about looking at a place together, at least I know I can trust him. Everybody else is so shadey right now you'd think it was a solar eclipse.
I've done nothing but help everyone out my whole life after being bounced on my rear as a 14 year old kid on my own and a few people helped me out then.
FIL backed out on his offer to reduce. I need to get out of there, no choice. But I need to stay in the area for the kids schooling at least, I don't know. Just don't know what to do. I have bills amassing in my name, so at this point I'm thinking instead of the renter giving me his portion, he needs to give it to FIL directly and I will just give FIL the difference I owe now and take care of the bills that are in MY name.
What a mess. Just when you think all is well, KABOOM! You're right back where you started from.
For some reason, I'm not letting it bother me that much, strange huh?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
We eventually get to the point in a lot of our sitches where you just do what has to be done, DDay. I think that's where you are and I think it's a good place for you to be. Cross one bridge at a time and try not to let this overwhelm you. It easily could but forewarned is forearmed. Separate yourself and the boys from the people that aren't contributing positively to your life at this time and close ranks around the boys. I'm sorry I don't have more tangible advice right now. Just hang in there.
Regarding the loans, and your sister's offer, As Amyc says, lose the false pride buddy. Since we're talking about your sons, they must have as much stability as possible right now. They're flippin' out, b/c they saw w flip out. You did the right thing to get the TRO and if you were a woman, everyone here would scream at you to press charges or at least have gotten the TRO. Well done. The BOYS need her to back off if she is willing to do THIS in front of them...as you said, she's a full blown abducted alien now. If she can't see the inappropriateness of violence, and I doubt she can now, at least the boys see you drawing a line in the sand and enforcing it. How can that be a bad thing? I see it as mandatory. Stay strong and CALM. The wackier she acts, the calmer you must be .
So, do your best by the boys. Let that guide you. Do you need a roomate b/c of childcare issues or money or both? If there's a way to have some private space with them even if it's smaller and they share a room, etc. might be better than sharing with a "stranger".
They need to know you will always be there for them no matter what. And as for what you say about her, my GUESS is that you say something like "mommy made a mistake when she lost her temper but that [you] both are working on that..." or "it's not right to lose your temper" and drop the topic. They don't need to have her bashed any more than their own impressions are doing, and if anything, it's your chance to show dignity in the face of crazy ass behavior that is wildly, insanely inappropriate.
In her "defense", from the female viewpoint (I mean the 'crazy alien female' perspective) maybe she was freaked out about the insurance, it felt like a real threat to her and the "babies," and all day she couldn't reach you, so it festered in her all day...and when she saw you, she totally lost it. What a crazy thing to have your sons witness.
Wow. For now, focus on getting a place that you can afford and wth is going on with FIL? Maybe he was upset at the cops taking her away, but does he "get" that the boys are with you and moving on out? Or does he think that throwing you out makes it more likely that she'll get them more often? Sheesh! Oh, let me say you did fine if this story is accurate. Really amazing craziness. She could be hitting rock bottom (damn close to it for sure) but who wants to be near her now? Let her "get healthy" and talk about the R wayyyy later...like, if ever. She really needs help. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
In her "defense", from the female viewpoint (I mean the 'crazy alien female' perspective) maybe she was freaked out about the insurance, it felt like a real threat to her and the "babies," and all day she couldn't reach you, so it festered in her all day...and when she saw you, she totally lost it.
Shoot that's crazy even by my old MLC definition of the word!
And I second - wth is up with FIL? He's totally not concerned about the children??
