WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice IV

[25yearsmlc]

no it's not wrong to feel compassion and sympathy for her. Pity? Hard to say. I read once that pity is one step from contempt but I don't know about that. As she is now, honestly, would you want to marry her if you met her today? It is important to recall that at times.

thought not. So, sounds to me like she is nearly hitting rock bottom and you responded kindly. Not to say that you were wimpy b/c it'd be different if she asked you for your life's savings; then I'd say you were a fool. But $10? Come on, it is pitiful and probably took a lot of swallowing her pride to ask. Good for you to give it to her and drop the ins issue. You know, hitting rock bottom...maybe isn't so bad a thing. Who knows? Your LRT isn't so dark right now, so I would not worry about it as much. And you can compliment her presence at D17's meeting even though any mom ought to be there, b/c it was a real hassle for her to get there. Yes, I know that's her fault, etc. But remember that comment about "applauding loudly for the 1% of what the WAS does/says that is positive" and ignoring the rest unless it's crucial. Tough to do, but here is a great opportunity to tell w that it meant a lot to have her at d17's meeting and you appreciate the support and maybe ask her questions you would normally ask the other parent. Be careful you avoid any questions that suggest your w's behavior is causing this. Believe me, she knows at some level that her behavior triggered or aggravated things with d17. She knows. Don't throw it in her face. And if I'm wrong on that and she really is clueless, you still won't do any good by telling her that now. IT can wait. Plus, the compliments that relate to her mothering probably mean more to her than you can know right now. If she knows you don't hate her, it helps you to Keep the Road Home Paved and Smooth...

Hope this makes sense. Keep on keeping on, as I think you are in a better sitch than you realize.
j-