I tried talking with W before she had to leave for work today. After writing umpteen letters to her over the last year and attempting to talk with her explaining what I feel is missing in our relationship (a physical bond between us with her wanting me as much as I want her), she still does not understand what it is that I want. WTF?
Talking with her about this (us) almost always turns into an argument. She says she thinks about the things that I write and say, she just never tells me what she is thinking. I asked her to think about it and tell me what she wants from our relationship. I hope she will really do this.
I hope this made it clear to her what it is that I want. When she said "I don't push you away", my answer was no you haven't been pushing me away but you don't pull me towards you either. That is what I want.
She told me, "You should feel lucky. I let you do whatever you want to do, you have so much freedom. I don't check up on you, I trust you. Many guys would envy the relationship that we have."
I tried to find out if there is some underlying resentment towards me that she has. She claims that there is none. We talked about how things seemed to change between us when our D was born. She talked about how overwhelmed and tired she was taking care of the baby. Then she said it just got to be a habit.
Finally I talked about how happy I thought it would make her to be a stay at home mom. She said she is happy....
Sigh..... This is our trouble I am afraid... she is happy and contented with the way things have been. It is me that is not happy, I'm the one rocking her peaceful boat and she can't understand why. She even said again she doesn't think that we have a problem and I tend to blow things out of proportion.
You know my very first post on this board was, How do I get through to her? I feel like I've not made any progress at all in this regard.
I said to her, I feel so frustrated, I am telling you what it is I want in our marriage. I work so hard to try to improve our relationship, yet I feel like I am the only one doing all of the work. I need to feel that you want this too and will work as hard as I am. It feels so one-sided to me. Please work on this too.
