Good point, Donna. I never priced all that stuff out. In the end, does a financial affidavit decide how much each of us "gets"? I thought it might be more formulaic. I offered her EXACTLY what the mediator set out, which is little over $3K a month. I now "GIVE" her $4400 a month! I'm tired of it. She went skiing with the kids. S10 forgot his jacket, and she was able to buy him a new $200 jacket. I know it's for the kids, but I couldn't afford this. She refused to pay for D18's books at schools yesterday ($186), so I did. (I'll just giver her less next check!!!)
I have to sit in Family Court ALL day tomorrow because of her stupid "motions" See my lawyer today, BUT gym woman tonight! Other than my STBX psycho bi&ch from hell, things are good!
You can choose whether or not to include the kids activities as a court decree or personal choice. A simple statement that you don't need the court tell you how to be a good dad. With her legal lover she may have the flexibility to take you to court without an added expense to her.
Once the amount is fixed by the court, you won't be able to adjust it at will since it's no longer voluntary. But like Mattie said.. price out a new apartment and MOVE. The financial affidavit numbers are fluid until the final settlement is signed off on.
The funny thing is.. the best offer is usually the first one. It goes down from there as the legal fees rise.
One thing to consider is how deep your wife's pockets might be with the help of her boss. Factor that into your decision making.
Look at the big picture. Take care of the kids which includes what you provide when they're with you. Give them a home with you. Their extras will become selective. The most important thing is that they have both parents.
Get it over.
*hugs*
PS.. and while you're in Family Court, listen to what goes on in the courtroom. I sat in those halls with a sketch pad and drew, had a book to read and all sorts of stuff to keep myself occupied.
The financial affidavit is the only way the court can see what your expenses are. The child support goes by a formula, but there is no set formula for alimony. You may be able to pay NO alimony to her at all, given the affair and her working outside of the home with a very decent wage. X's girlfriend got NO alimony, and she was essentially a stay at home mother.
Of course you want to support your kids, but you shouldn't have to support a fully-capable woman who doesn't want to be connected to you anymore.
Call later if you want. Gyp and I have been there, done that, right here in CT. I don't have kids tonight.
Going to court for the motions can be cancelled with the drop of a hat. The trial court date can be postponed once.. at least that's what I was told.
How's the apartment hunting going? This works in your favor to get moving on that.
Figure out what is important to you. Hold to it. Throw her a bone and get it over. If I could have done that.. goodness... I'd have cash in the bank, stocks, bonds, a healthy 401(k). Folks urged me to do that, but I didn't know how to separate the emotion from the business aspect of the process.
The $600 less.. how much of a difference does that make compared to the per hour cost your attorney charges? Look at the big picture.
I don't have kids tonight.