Step Number 2 - Know What You Want

[Meredith]

What parts of your relationship do you want more of?

- Time
- Honesty
- Affection
- Fidelity

Pretty much what everyone else wants, right?

What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?

- Spending time together as a couple
- Knowing everything about H’s life instead of guessing and finding out after the fact
- When H would go out of his way to make me happy, even on little things
- When we talked about the future together
- Knowing that H would never even look twice at another women.

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?

- H to ask about moving home on his own
- Honesty about things that I do that bother him
- H to initiate the plan making by asking me to do something
- H to invite me to be with his friends again
- The OW issue to go from something he denies to something he regrets
- An apology for H’s responsibility on the downslide of our R
- Myself to be more secure and not as jealous
- The secrets to STOP

"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"

When my spouse stops avoiding conflict at all costs he will be dealing with reality and be honest with me about the things that bother him. Everything will improve from there, because we can then re-build trust, have a good foundation for communication and be getting what we want out of the relationship – consequently I will go from being the bad guy to one he wants to be with.

To be fair, when I stop trying to micro-manage the relationship I will start controlling only myself and not react in anger and insecurity when things don’t go according to plan.