I forgot to mention this 'ick' moment from last night...
Nathan and his buddy were riding home from karate (Sydney was there too of course) and buddy points out the crack in my windshield. Nathan tells him a rock hit it...then this exchange occurs:
Buddy: Oh we have a crack in our window too. My mom threw her phone and cracked the window.
Nathan: Why did she throw the phone?
Buddy: She got mad at my dad and yelled at him and then threw her phone at the window.
Me: Well, sometimes moms and dads do get into arguments don't they....
Nathan: Yeah one time my dad moved all the way up to Iowa and we had to stay in Kansas City. But then we moved to Iowa too and he moved back in with us.
And our spouses think they don't connect the dots.....Dan told him and I told him that Daddy had to move for his job but obv. Nathan made the real connection if he was able to reference that in the above conversation...
Then mercifully Sydney yelled out something in her make-believe language and they all started laughing....I didn't mention what Nathan said to Dan, and I didn't say anything to Nathan about it either. Maybe I should have?? Oh well, the moment passed.
That is definitely an 'ick'. Sorry that your baby is obviously making all these connections. Probably for the best though. You would hate for him to end up surprised by it later and have to process the trauma all at once, right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
And our spouses think they don't connect the dots.....Dan told him and I told him that Daddy had to move for his job but obv. Nathan made the real connection if he was able to reference that in the above conversation
I'm afraid they connect them at a younger age than what you think..Caleigh refers to where I live as "daddy's house" and where she lives as "mommies house"..she will be 3 on March 8th..
Nothing in particular happened. It is just that every few days I get this sort of objective glimpse of my situation. My husband has chosen to walk away from me. And not for the first time. How many times did he take off for the night while we lived in Kansas City? And he went through all the steps of getting an apartment except for actually moving...then he moved to Iowa and even told our son he was not going to live with us ever again.
Of course he DID come back home...but now he is leaving again. I just see this pattern the past year of him leaving, leaving, leaving. I don't see how that could be the actions of a man who truly loves his wife. I know he is messed up, that is why he is going to counseling, but it still sucks.
Even now, he has chosen to move out of our home and into a crappy fixer-upper. I truly do realize that our marriage does not stand a chance unless he gets that 'space' to figure out his own life by himself. But I am starting to wonder if I could ever let him back into my life when he has shown me that he can and will walk away when things get rough....
I understand completely BBJ. I'm amazed that you have allowed him back into your home as many times as you have. My xH walked out 3 times and that was 2 times too many! I should not have allowed him anywhere near me again while I knew he was still so messed up and confused.
Protect yourself darlin'. Take care of the babies and let Dan completely spin in the wind. He has to do that. He has to have NO support from you whatsoever. No 'help'. That is the only way he will grow. You can have hope that he will grow enough to grow up and figure out what a true man of any character is supposed to do. It is possible.
It's easy to say, hard to practice, but you MUST close your heart and mind to him right now. Any chink in the armor will give him an opening to exploit your love for him. Dan seems like just the kind of man to do that continually to you because you allow it. Empathy and concern is all well and good until someone used it against you like Dan has.
I say all of this out of love and concern for you and your kids. You know it's not healthy for them either having Dan come and go whenever he gets the urge. He has set a piss-poor example of manhood for his son.
Love you girl! Chin up and chest out! You're awesome!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Sorry that your baby is obviously making all these connections. Probably for the best though. You would hate for him to end up surprised by it later and have to process the trauma all at once, right?