It’s guilt. I feel guilty. Guilt has brought me back here.
It’s been ages since I’ve posted – almost a year. Here’s a brief recap – my H had an affair with a coworker (we’re both teachers) that begin in October 05 and then ended in June 06 – after I found out and confronted him. He didn’t quit his job, and then fell back into that R in October 06 to about August 07. In September 07 we went to Retrovaille and both of us decided it was worth trying to work through things. Things have been getting gradually better over time – but since December my H has been really struggling – not with his feelings for the OW, but with existing. He isn’t suicidal, but he hasn’t wanted to leave the house. He has not worked a day since December 12. He is in counseling, and that is helping tremendously. He says he feels lonely and scared. Today his school gave him the choice to either resign or have his tenure reviewed. He chose to resign.
And I feel guilty.
And sad.
And discouraged.
All along I have wished, desired, prayed that he would quit this job. And now he has. Is this a normal feeling? I thought I would feel different in this moment. I thought that I would be ecstatic. Maybe part of it is that the decision was made for him? I don’t know . . . I’m just trying to wrap my mind around it all.
I am surprised to feel this way . . . I was assuming that I would be happier.
Last edited by ediemarie; 01/21/0904:56 PM.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
