He mainly stressed out because I have big issues with mistrusting him and even when I wouldn't be acting on it, he would assume I would act the same way.
What are some of the areas where you do trust him? What things are you confident about him pulling through on? How are you acting then? What are you doing differently?
Trust is a very tough issue. In the beginning, it might be something that comes automatically, but once it's lost, it seems pretty tough to regain. How can you start to rebuild this trust? What little things can he do right now, what little things IS he doing, that might help rebuild that foundation of trust in your eyes? What could he do that would help you to give him the benefit of the doubt?
What do you think that "trust" means to him? In his eyes, what would you be doing to show him that, even though you don't always "trust" him, you're going to give him the benefit of the doubt?
What can I do when he starts assuming I will act the way I used to? Should I just be consistant in my efforts?
I think so. Consistency is key in making your changes real.
Also, don't forget that even though DB'ing is very "action-oriented", communication is a VERY strong form of action. "Talking" about things sometimes is quite alright, especially if "mind-reading" is some of your "more of the same" behavior. It doesn't have to be deep, it doesn't have to be heavy, and probably shouldn't be, especially at first.
Whenever you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns, the key is to change the dance steps, anyway you can, at any point during the song. Sometimes, even changing what room you're in, changing from a standing up position to sitting down, etc., etc., might be enough to do the trick!
JJ
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