I know, but it wasn't what I was thinking, it ws coming out of my mouth, I heard myself saying it. then this morning, I couldn't utter the words. My mind just wouldn't form them.

I am sure it was something subconscious because of being mnear her at the school meeting today. I was most likely doing it in my mind so that there would be zero expectations and I would control a huge "as if " presence.

I know those weren't His words, as I got up this morning and couldn't utter them. I think it was my rage because I don't see the other one climbing into my head and making me say things.

What concerns me is just what you posted, I spoke them, repeatedly. I am hoping I am right about my rage influencing my mind to protect me from any expectations. I am praying that is what it was.

Did get the image I asked for though and like i said, it was the last image I saw before I fell off. More than likely we spoke on the walk after that. I have no reason for those words. None absolutely none. so I believe it was my rage prepping me for detaching while being in front of her. I will let you know later howit is going.

I really need to run this by you, byt he way, glad your back, now i can bother you twice as much.

Amy, follow me on this and see if this thought is realistic. I won't use the word rational, just realistic.

Here goes: I have been using LRT and have really played dark, except for holidays and when I needed car ins money. I stopped the car ins thing to keep me dark. OK, that is my position now. I have removed her clothes from my room and have stored them away, there are no pictures of us anywhere in the house and no pictures of her at all. If you didn't know any better, she never existed in my house. OK, that is my physical postion at home right now. She sees this. She has commented on it to friends, mostly to say oh I'm glad he's moved on. Heard that too many times. Here is the thing: If in her state of mind, she believes I have oved on, I am not showing her anything, no calls, no attention, mnothing, I have removed the evidence of her existence from my home with obviously the exception of my kids. If she believes I amover her and have completely moved on, and she believed there is no coming back for her, would that hold her in this relationship with OM feeling that she has no other option? I know it is super analytical. But I did some reading and this has come up. I am keeping my road clear, but is it possible to push LRT to hard and even being dark to hard to the point of being the extreme of pursuing, but having the same effect? Just want to get your thoughts on this. Could I be on to something and if the LRT isn't showing me much, do I try initiating contact every now and then just to ask how she is? The LRT just isn't working out.