Hi V, I'm doing okay...not that great this morning...but okay. For some reason hearing that her father is walking around telling people that we're no longer married just drove home a lot of the pain and sadness in just another way...I know what he says doesn't matter and that it may or may not have anything real to do with B - but it still stings since it's just another reminder of how many aspects of my life have been torn asunder.
I was hoping to sleep more last night - but it seems I just don't sleep much anymore...which worries me. I'm thinking of just getting out and hitting the gym for a while today before doing some job hunting this afternoon - and then head off to that meeting with our manager.
One day at a time is key....I agree...I think I just have to work on having things to look forward to every day.
When I think about B - I think about her pain and her past - and I see that she's gone right back to depending on the very people that harmed her the most...She's giving control back to her parents again - something that we struggled through a lot over the years - since she would try to involve her parents in too much of our life - and I would always react by trying to keep them out of our affairs...but she would tell them too much, do things that would oblige her to them...And there she is again - after telling me how she had to be on her own, had to be independent, etc, she's turning to them for everything, and they're doing it - they're facilitating her problems...
It makes me very sad that such an amazing person could be so consumed by her past - I wish she could be stronger and get better. My sister keeps asking me why I'm not mad at B at all - and, honestly, I just don't feel angry toward her for what she's doing...I feel more pity for her than anything else -sadness that she's in such a fragile, terrible place - and that she doesn't seem to know it or know how to overcome it.
