Quote: What things can you do to help him feel more comfortable and less stressed around you? Taking what you know about how to make him uncomfortable, and how to stress him out (it seems like we are ALL experts on how to do this with our partners! ), what could you do that might have the opposite affect on him?
What will be some of the first signs that you will see when this begins to happen? How will you know when what you're doing is working? More phone calls, longer visits, more intimacy, etc.?
Well JJ,
He mainly stressed out because I have big issues with mistrusting him and even when I wouldn't be acting on it, he would assume I would act the same way. Vicious cycle! We both ended up being sooo stressed out wondering if one or the other was going to open a can of worms. The tension was unreal before he left! And I admit to crawling back to my old ways...feeling him slip away and I clung tighter.
When he feels more comfy with me, I expect him to come over more and to actually enjoy my company again. Yesterday he "accidentally" gave me a kiss, which I see as him being comfy in that he acted like a H to his W. But it freaked him out so I don't think I'll see him anytime soon. It wasn't an "in the heat of passion" kiss...just a sweet and quick peck.
I feel like that is a major thing to have him feel relaxed and at ease with me. When I "act as if" and I'm a little bit detached from him, I get better results. I just gotta keep on keeping on.
What can I do when he starts assuming I will act the way I used to? Should I just be consistant in my efforts? I can't change his mind that I won't do the same thing especially when I did before he left! I get scared when he tenses up and I backslide into the "more of the same" behavior. This will definately be a difficult one for me to learn. I can't make the past mistakes again.
I have my work cut out for me, I think. Wish me luck.
