Carlos, Stop worrying about changing her or the influence of her father. Wasted energy that can be used on yourself. I hear you loud and clear that you want to be with B, you also seem to recognise some of the obstacles. The things in B's way are not your issues to deal with. They effect you sure but do you have any control over dealing with them?
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I want to be happy - I want to live in a calm home without a lot of toxic issues that come out of nowhere....I want to feel loved and respected...and offer her my love and respect...

That's exactly right. That's a healthy M.

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and she was certain that it would be impossible for me to change...

I had this doubt in my head as well. I heard my W's father say "people never change" and I heard my W repeat it to me. People can and do change (maybe we just become "ourselves") and you can dispel that myth. Some very good sdvice I got here was to lead in showing my W that I could change, seeing is believing. All of my goals and 180s had to be for my benefit first, second so that my W would notice positive change. Don't change to be what she wants but to be the best Carlos, your true self.

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What do I want? I want to work harder toward becoming the man I hoped to become. I want to be a better father, a better person - and I want to focus more on my dreams - and my work - and I want to achieve more and use my talents for more than what I've been doing over the last ten years - and I want to take more responsibility for my life - and become a more complete person - so that no matter what happens with B, I am more whole...more confident and just happier...


Go for it! Do it now - no regrets. I remember you talking about riding a horse that would lead you to water. You are the horse, you know where to go and what to do. Plant your "wishing tree" and enjoy the fruit.

Focus on your well-being. You are worth it.
Cheers
Coach
ps You can handle it.

M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.