Quoting kewlkitti: ULTIMATE GOAL: I WANT TO BE PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND
FIRST STEP - MAKE MYSELF MORE DESIRABLE
• go shopping for new clothes • get hair color (cover the grey) • get hair cut • get to the gym three times a week at least • get a new "nighty" - purple or green (H fave colors) • start taking showers at night right before bed - get some good "smelly" bath gel to smell good to come to bed (make sure legs are always shaved - H is a leg man) • make sure you have your "face on" before he gets up in the morning - like i have somewhere to go type thing. • start getting out more (contact friends in the area and arrange lunch and such - stop being a home body)
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kewlkitti, I think you've just earned yourself an A++, with about 4 gold stars behind it!!!!
Excellent job! Now that you see how it's done, you have a good idea of of what to do with your next step, to set up a goal of something that you would like to see happen within a week or two to show that phase one of your plan is working!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
First off, list 2 or 3 things you are hoping to change or improve about your marriage. The questions below might help you figure this out!
Goal Setting Rule #1 -
"Think about what you want, not what's missing"
What parts of your relationship do you want more of?
What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?
What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?
"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"
I'd like my husband to call me every other day.
I'd like him to take more baby steps towards moving in with me.
That might include:
Telling his father that he's moving in with me.
Telling any/all his brothers.
Discussing budget with me to figure out how much we can afford to pay in rent.
Looking over available places to rent and telling me about it.
Giving his roomates notice.
Going on job interviews (no calls yet!)
Quoting PnT:I'd like my husband to call me every other day.
This is a great goal to start out with, although the "every other day" might not happen right away. Maybe just "calling me" might be a better place to start for now.
When does he call you now? What are the times and circumstances when you hear from him the most?
What's happenning during the times when he seems to want to "hang on" to your conversations, and when you can tell that he's ready to drop off?
How do you leave him wanting more conversation with you?
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Well, the one time he called me every other day, was last week, after he made the momentous decision to move to my town. So, I'm guessing that he was calling because he felt closer to me and was excited about the move/new job.
In the past, he'd call me when I hadn't called/emailed him, usually 3 days at least had to go by before he'd call.
The times that he wanted to stay and continue talking to me, seemed to be when he was calling me from his house...rather than from work. When our conversation was light and non relationship oriented.
When he calls me from his work, the conversation is usually very short and to the point.
So, as frustrating as it is, it seems that what works is not contacting him at all, letting him initiate contact.
I did praise him last week for calling me so often. Sent him an email saying that I knew I was important to him because he was calling me so often. He told me on the phone that the email meant a lot to him and he thanked me.
Are you trying to take any "baby steps", or are you looking at "leaps and bounds"?
What goal would you be able to see accomplished within a week or two time frame?
If you were that famous woman golfer, sinking that 30 foot putt with ease, what spot would you be aiming for that was in line with the hole?
What small step could you see realized that would help you feel less anxious, and less worried, about your relationship?
"What will be the very first signs that things are moving in the right direction?"
As far as my husband calling me.
One baby step that I would know meant we are moving in the right direction could be:
He calls me twice a week. He calls me from his house rather than work. He calls just to chat, see how I'm doing, rather than to talk about what we need to do next towards moving in together. (Although I'd be happy about that phone call too.)
Baby steps towards being intimate: Reaches for my hand to hold. Kisses me at some point other than just goodbye kiss. Hugs me at some point other than just goodbye hug.
What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?
When H was very attentive. He acted like I was the most important thing in his life. He loved and cherished me and was not afraid for anyone to see or know it.
What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?
I would like to be secure in his love for me. I want to have a comfortable, easy going attitude with him.
"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"
Running away...maybe he will attend MC with me and we can have a fulfilling M.
