my thread is here if you wanna grab some insight KewlKitti Thread
Quote: I would have to ask you if the dinner date is something that seems very doable right now, or is it something that's too far-reaching? If you think that it is doable, then I think that the thigh highs would be a GREAT idea!! If not, then you might want to set your goals more towards working up to the date.
hard to say. hmmm, someone else suggested (sage) that i try a date here at home. fix his favorite food, light some candles and get some wine. i think i may try that. i have asked him a few times over the last week about going out to eat sushi, and he is worried about the money situation at home so he always comes back with "let me see how my week goes"
Quote: Also, you might want to break down "physically intimate" a bit more. Will you be satisfied with some shoulder rubbing, maybe some hand holding, some light kisses, maybe some heavier kisses?
hmmm, until this last 7 - 10 days, i would have been happy with almost ANYTHING - and actually, i have gotten some "cuddling" in bed. some very nice spooning and touches that are unexpected and also he is letting me touch him more without recoiling from my touch. so actually, right now i would say i would like some "hand holding and some light kisses"
Quote: Or would you be looking for a "home run"?!
nope, i know he isn't ready and i will not push him
Quote: If you're looking for the last one right now, and you're not already getting some of the others, it will be difficult to see any small steps that you're making if this doesn't happen that night.
touche
Quote: But DO keep some focus on doing things that will "drive him wild"! Keep chipping away at his defenses!!
ok, this has GOT to be part of my goal - i have over the last 9 months lost almost 60 pounds. and i have yet to buy new clothes, everything looks BAGGY and OLD LADY on my now because i have refused to spend money until i get to goal (another 30 pounds) - but i need to focus on looking better - making myself more attractive to him...and there is LOTS i can do in that department. i can even go to the thrift store and buy some clothes to tide me over until i get to goal, ok, you have given me something to think about
*********************
sg
Quote: I concur with JJ.
that is why you two make great moderators
Quote: You talk about initiating these things. Are you usually the initiator? When things are going well in your relationship?
well, sad to say no - grew up with the belief system that "initiating" makes you cheap - ok ok, stupid i know. something he did complain about when he dropped the bomb ("you never let me know you wanted me") - but doing a 180 with this (me initiating) i don't know if that will work, based on the fact that he told me that he never could see us being intimate again (altho i call what we are doing in bed over the last 7 - 10 days intimate - intimate does not mean sex all the time)
Quote: What about dropping all initiation. Working on attracting him to initiate. Things like JJ says....that drive him wild.
hehe, you two are damn good, did you know that??? there is not a price that i could put on the wealth of knowledge you two bestow on this board. thank you for the time you spend helping people - oh my, i digress...
Quote: What are the things you do that light your inner fire, make you attractive? Your glow. Do you sing, dance, hike, make turkey soup? What are 'YOUR' things?
cooking is my passion - i love nature (H hates it!) - and reading - all these things make me feel good.
Quote: What are you really good at?
that would have to be cooking
Quote: What drew him to you to begin with?
really? i think it was the challenge. i did NOT want him, for any reason - except as a friend. he told me "i love you" a whole 2 months before i ever said those words to him. i was so involved in my life and my work - i wasn't available like i am now and he pursued, and pursued hard. oh my...is that a revelation or what???
*********************
ok, based on what i just went thru with these two "therapists" LOL
ULTIMATE GOAL: I WANT TO BE PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND
FIRST STEP - MAKE MYSELF MORE DESIRABLE
• go shopping for new clothes • get hair color (cover the grey) • get hair cut • get to the gym three times a week at least • get a new "nighty" - purple or green (H fave colors) • start taking showers at night right before bed - get some good "smelly" bath gel to smell good to come to bed (make sure legs are always shaved - H is a leg man) • make sure you have your "face on" before he gets up in the morning - like i have somewhere to go type thing. • start getting out more (contact friends in the area and arrange lunch and such - stop being a home body)
*********************
i think this about covers your questions. now i feel i have something CONCRETE to work on. and that is the goal eh? forget the date for now, let's work on myself first, make myself desirable. i have been working on all the mental issues, but not on the physical ones - boy, what a dummy!!! LOL
